Page 158 of Salt in the Seas
This time when Aeliana reached for her hand, Kendalyhn held on, her grip like iron.
“Then,” Kendalyhn rushed on, as if her previous confessions hadn’t been enough, “when Gaeren returned from Elanesse and I sifted him again, his soul had shifted. In his past, there was still the desire to rid us of the Wyndrens, but the light that he felt from your presence outshone that of the darkness. His desire to protect you seemed fueled by something deeper than a childhood promise. I was relieved that maybe I could still get what I wanted without him killing you. I hid that part of what I’d sifted, hoping it would eventually interfere with your bond.”
“That’s why sifting his soul made you wonder if you might not always hate me,” Aeliana mused. Their conversation back on the ship felt like ages ago, but it came back to Aeliana with fresh meaning. “Considering the circumstances, no one can blame you for hoping something like this would happen.”
“My job was to serve you the way my mother served yours.” Kendalyhn squeezed Aeliana’s hands. “But I was serving myself. Lukai and I even saw the possibility with Lady Merinnia, and we kept it to ourselves, afraid that it would change if we told you or Sylmar. Your mother gave you that bond as a child to protect you, and we threw it away. We didn’t even have the courage to break it ourselves. We let you suffer the consequences of it. We used you to get what we wanted.” A sob cut through Kendalyhn’s throat, making the rest of her words garbled as she rushed on. “I hate what I’ve done, and I hate that I can’t put it right, and I hate that there’s a part of me that doesn’t even want to, because I still love Lukai.”
The admission carried an ugliness that could have planted bitterness in Aeliana’s heart, but on the heels of breaking her bond, it felt far more relatable, like something Aeliana would have done if the roles were reversed.
“The bonds aren’t natural.” Aeliana placed her other hand over Kendalyhn’s, hoping the other woman was truly listening even though she still shuddered with her tears. “Maybe some of them are. Iris and Holm’s seemed to be something beautiful. My bond with Lukai…it held no love—only fabricated connections that carried more obligation than love.” She pulled back, grabbing one of her clean bandages and passing it over for Kendalyhn to dry her tears and runny nose.
“Even so,” Kendalyhn said, “my actions were selfish. At the very least, for my own happiness I was willing to rob you of the protection your parents had given you. Worst-case scenario, if Gaeren had been the horrible prince we’d all imagined him to be, I was ready to let him kill you.”
Aeliana nodded, not sure how to absolve Kendalyhn of all her guilt. The woman likely needed to forgive herself more than she needed Aeliana’s forgiveness. And Aeliana’s own experiences proved that would take time and repeated attempts.
“I hold nothing against you,” Aeliana said. “I hope you can forgive yourself as well.”
The door opened, and Kendalyhn quickly wiped her face once more, tucking the bandage in her cloak pocket.
“Time to train,” Sylmar said from the doorway, eyeing the two of them suspiciously. “Did you sift her soul?”
Kendalyhn nodded, and Aeliana raised her eyebrows, wondering if the other woman had just lied to Sylmar or if she’d been multi-tasking.
“I’m ready.” Aeliana rose from the bed, and when the room spun before her, she placed a steadying hand on Kendalyhn’s shoulder. Kendalyhn rose as well, slipping her arm through Aeliana’s for additional support.
Sylmar’s eyes narrowed, but Kendalyhn lifted her chin as if daring him to ask, and he grumbled something that suspiciously sounded like “women” when he turned back to the main living area.
Outside, several members of their party were engaged in sparring drills around the camp, their bodies holding sheens of sweat from their work. Aeliana already felt the sweat pouring down her neck from her walk, leaving her embarrassed at her weakened state, but then Lukai stood before her, his face paler than she’d ever seen it and his eyes rimmed with red. He glanced nervously between Kendalyhn and Aeliana, as if unsure which one to greet.
“I’m sorry, Lukai,” Aeliana said, unable to hold his gaze.
His entire body sagged with her words, and he leaned forward, crushing her in a hug. “Part of me hates you for it,” he whispered. “I don’t know. I don’t understand it. Because there’s another part of me that will never be able to thank you enough.”
When he pulled away, he wiped tears from his face and turned away. The abruptness left Aeliana feeling strangely rejected, even though she’d wanted to free him. She supposed this is what Iris meant about things taking time.
The others nearby watched him turn from Aeliana to Kendalyhn, their sparring matches fading to defensive stances. It was then that Aeliana finally noticed Gaeren near the forest’s edge, his sword drawn and held out toward Riveran, who mirrored his stance. Gaeren’s arm shook, and when he used his left hand to steady his grip, his scar stood out like blood poisoning snaking across his palm.
His gaze caught hers, and something strange passed between them.Something like regret or maybe apprehension. She sensed a shared fear that what they’d done had changed things between them, and not necessarily for the better.
She dropped her eyes and turned back to Lukai, but he’d already looped his arm through Kendalyhn’s, guiding her off to the edge of the clearing. Her bond mark should have stung, and when it didn’t, she rubbed hard enough at the scab until it did for other reasons.
She attempted a smile when she found Sylmar at her side.
“Ready to train?” For once, his croaky question was welcome.
“Yes. I’m not willing to go another day with such weak light shields. And I want to practice healing again.” She swallowed past the lump forming in her throat as images of wide eyes and blood stains stuck in her mind. “I should have been able to help Holm and Nori.”
Sylmar studied her closely, making her wonder if there was something wrong with her request, but then his gaze flicked to Lukai and Kendalyhn, who sparred at half their normal speed, Kendalyhn clearly going easy on Lukai in his weakened state.
“I’m inclined to agree that your somatic skills have suffered,” Sylmar said. “Maybe even more so as we’ve had Gaeren teaching you noetic skills. But I can only help you with that so much at this point. Focusing on your constructive somatic skills would be done best with Marnok or Lukai.”
Aeliana drooped at the truth of his words.
“Marnok is inaccessible, and Lukai…well, I think we should give it a few days.”
She nodded, gritting her teeth in frustration.
“In the meantime, it would be good for you and Gaeren to spar. Once you’ve each reached your full strength, you can branch out to new sparring partners and you can train under Lukai again.”
