Page 127 of Salt in the Seas
“I wish we’d never come. You could have gone on with your life?—”
“No.” Nori cut her off, her hand slicing the air. “For years I have been waiting to start my life. Waiting for the signal that it was time. My life would have remained that way without you. This was always our path.”
“Nori?” Gellen called.
“Coming.” Nori turned to leave, but Aeliana snatched her wrist.
“Does he know you’re helping us? Has he tuned in to your mind for our intentions?”
Nori recoiled. “Never. He would never do that without my permission.” But then understanding dawned on her face. “He freely tuned in to yours because it was an assignment. But he’s not all that bad.” A few scales popped up on her cheeks. Perhaps an arranged marriage between the two wouldn’t be as hated as Aeliana had feared.
As Nori left with Gellen and the extra guards, the Sun slipped behind the village to the west, reminding the prisoners they needed to sleep as well.
They spread out the pillows and blankets that now felt luxurious, but despite a full belly and knowing she needed sleep, Aeliana couldn’t find rest. She shoved the blanket off, feeling suffocated instead of warm.
“It works better when you wrap it around you,” Velden whispered from beside her.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Am I keeping you up?”
“No.” It was too dark to see him in the hut, but she could hear thesmile in his voice. “That would be my mind, which seems to be swimming across all of Paelen’s Waters without my permission.”
She held back laughter that might wake up the others. “Will it be hard going back to Vendaras after experiencing your home?”
“I’m not sure I’m meant to have a home,” he said. “I can never be fully Sayhleen. Coming here and spending time with these people has shown me that. I relish learning their culture and applying what I can, but I could never live underwater like they do, and so I will always be an outsider. And in Vendaras, I’m a freak of nature. I can never fully fit in there either.”
His words resonated deep within her, voicing things she hadn’t been able to share. Just like him, she straddled two continents, two cultures. “Do you think maybe I’m not meant to be Vendaran either?” she asked.
He took his time answering, and her anxiety built with the silence.
“I think you are meant to be Aeliana, daughter to the high priestess, wielder of powerful magic. Wearing trousers or dresses and having short or long hair is irrelevant because there is so much more to you than your identity as a Vendaran or Lorvandan. If you stop trying to be one or the other, you might discover who you really are.”
She toyed with a loose thread on her pillow. “It feels like I need to focus on being just Vendaran if I’m ever supposed to belong there, though. Kendalyhn hasn’t been training me in history or culture for a while, not since… well, not since we found my magic shifted.” Saying the words out loud made her wonder if they were really true. Was the magic training what took up her time? Or was it the awkwardness over the revelation that Kendalyhn and Lukai had been—or maybe still were—in love? “I suspect Sylmar will want me learning it all again once things go back to normal.”
Velden snorted, which startled Holm out of his snore with a choke. The larger man rolled in his sleep, starting a round of everyone shifting their positions in the cramped space. Aeliana and Velden smothered their laughter in their pillows.
“I don’t think there ever will be a normal,” Velden finally said. “Even if we find this curse and help your mother. Even if we find all the starbridges and save the world in whatever mysterious way Orrawants. You don’t need to try to fit in to whatever expectation Sylmar has. Your mother is destined to lead, and you are, too.
“But a leader brings many experiences to the table. If you try to get rid of your human side, if you try to be less Lorvandan, you’re shoving down all the things you have to offer the people in Vendaras. Maybe they need a different perspective. Maybe they need exactly who you are. Today you offered yourself as sacrifice for your people. The kings and queens of Elanesse would never do that. That’s the kind of leadership Vendaras is craving.”
Aeliana stared at the faint traces of the hut’s ceiling, the bits of twine she could make out in the darkness. “Are you giving yourself this same speech?”
He sighed. “I suppose I should. At least the bit about trying to meet expectations. The problem is when we try to fit in one culture or the other. We’re not meant to.”
She considered his words, wondering how they might change her approach. Instead of rejecting the potential role of leader, instead of denying whatever authority she might have as the high priestess’ daughter, perhaps she could use it for good. Perhaps she could accept it on her own terms like she had today, when it gave her a chance to stand up for those she cared about.
“I always thought my mother was waiting for me to be ready to come to Sayhla Island,” Velden added, “but now I think she always knew they wouldn’t accept me. She was trying to get me to find my own way.”
“I’m sorry, Velden. I didn’t realize how far back or how painful your secrets were when you told me you had them.”
“And that’s not even the half of them,” he muttered.
His words surprised Aeliana, and for a moment she was tempted to place a hand on his arm, to try using the noetic skills Gaeren had been teaching her to tune in to his memories. It likely wouldn’t work with Durriken being so far away.
“I might not have dark secrets like Sylmar or Mayvus,” Velden added, “but there are parts of my history I keep to myself. Not out of shame or fear, but to hold them close. Keeping them safe feels like a way to honor them.”
“You don’t have to explain.” All temptation to tune in to his past receded, leaving the initial thought like bile in the back of her throat. Aeliana had had enough secrets of her own over the years; she wasn’t about to pry any from Velden. “I’m so sorry for all you’ve lost, including the things you keep secret and safe.”
“Thank you,” he murmured.
