I sputter, a cartoon character running in place in midair. “You know?”
“Aww.” She gives me a sarcastic look that works particularly well coming from a fifteen-year-old. “It’s so cute how you don’t deny it. Also, I don’t want any details, but it’s so obvious that you’re hot for him.”
I slap my hands over my ears. “Oh my God, please stop.”
She points at me, laughing. “No, you stop.”
I lower my hands. “Also, please know this is not my way of telling you that we’re seeing each other.”
“But you are seeing him?”
Am I? I don’t know how to answer that, so I say nothing.
She’s undeterred. “Look, here’s the deal. He seems like a cool guy, and Ethan’s kind of cool too. I mean, for, like, an almost ten-year-old. His birthday is soon, so we need to get him a card or a prezzie.”
“We do. We’ll go shopping soon.”
“And maybe we can get that cat soon too?” she asks, waggling her brows.
“The cat?”
She rolls her eyes. “Ripley.”
I snap my fingers. Of course. The Ripley plan. “Fine, we’ll look for Ripley soon.”
“Soon, as in this month or this decade?”
“This month,” I say, laughing.
She gives me a thumbs-up. “I’m holding you to it. Also, just go date Ethan’s dad, okay?”
“You’re hilarious. I wasn’t asking permission to date him.”
She yanks her head back, going full reality show oh no you didn’t. “Well, you should ask permission to date him, girl.”
I laugh. “Is that how it goes now? I have to ask permission to date someone?” I move over to the sink and load the plates into the dishwasher.
“You haven’t seen anyone since Dad. You haven’t even gone on a single date,” she says, once more proving my point. Kids don’t miss much. They are sponges. They absorb all we say and do. “These things don’t get past me. I have eyes and ears.”
“I made you that way. Eyes and ears,” I say, since sometimes teasing is easier.
Grabbing the elastic on her wrist, she loops her hair into a low pony. “I’m just saying, I know you haven’t been with anyone. So this is kind of a big deal. And I know that you guys like each other.”
When she says that, my stomach flips. A brand-new smile spreads across my face. My eyes, I’m sure, are lit with sparklers.
She points at me with wicked glee. “Look at you. Just look at you. You’re so pathetic, it’s adorable. Just go out with him.”
And I answer the question I didn’t earlier. “I kind of am seeing him, but it’s not that simple, sweetie. We want different things. That makes it hard. He wants a bigger family.”
She cringes. “More kids?”
I nod. “Yeah, and I feel like I’m on the homestretch. It wasn’t easy being pregnant at twenty-one. But I did it. I made it work. I made us work.”
“You did make us work. A baby would be . . .” Her nose wrinkles. “Weird?”
“Kind of weird,” I second.
Her lips purse, and she swallows harshly, like she’s the one with the grapefruit in her throat. “But there’s no reason you shouldn’t just enjoy it in the meantime, then.” She pastes on a grin. She sets a hand on my shoulder, looks me in the eye, and says, “I’m glad I’ve known you my whole life.”
I have no choice. I crush her in a hug and tell her I love her a million times until she heads to school.
I wave goodbye.
I don’t think I was looking for permission from my daughter. I definitely don’t feel like I needed it.
But sometimes that’s what kids do. They give you their permission anyway.
I’ll take it. I’ll definitely take it.
21
January
That’s what we do.
We see each other.
Every day.
On the one hand, it’s because we’re neighbors.
On the other, it’s because we’re dopey, happy, smiley new lovers.
In the mornings, as Wednesday heads to school and Liam and Ethan hop on their bikes, I give him a grin that says both We are cats who ate the canaries and I like you so very much. He flashes a smile back at me that says I’m happy to see you and also, I want to see you naked.
So much is said in our silent stares, but nothing is hidden because our feelings are written in our eyes and expressions.
In the evenings, we find ways to spend time together.
Sitting on the porch swing and talking while eating ice cream.
Popping over for a late-night rendezvous.
He helps Wednesday with a science assignment.
I help Liam fix his dryer.
A week after our first night together, once Ethan goes to bed and Wednesday does the same, I do that thing that makes me feel like a teenager. I slip next door to see the cute guy who lives there. We giggle as we head to his bedroom, but that still doesn’t feel like enough distance from the other rooms, so we duck into the master bathroom.
