Page 8 of Untamed Heart
I’m so sorry about tonight,Kyle’s message read.I swear I’ll make it up to you. Date to end all dates next week? Are you sure you’re okay?
I stared at the screen, my thumb hovering over the reply but typing nothing. His second message followed.I’ll call you tomorrow, get some sleep. Love you x
‘Right, let’s get you drunk,’ Hestia announced as she strode in, Scott following. ‘And no, you’re not invited, Scott. We need to discuss your exposed ass in private.’
Guilt surged as Hestia brought over a third round of drinks, tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth in concentration. Her ripped Fleetwood Mac T-shirt, black denim shorts, fishnets and silver Doc Martens fitted this place perfectly, one of the last genuinely grungy bars in a street otherwise swallowed whole by gentrification.
‘You should have seen me with Kyle’s parents, Hes. I downed my martini. Not a dainty sip, I knocked the whole thing back, all £20 of it. Marina almost had an aneurysm.’
Hestia barked a laugh, handing me a long glass and clinking hers against it.
‘Fucking right, that woman would turn anyone to hard drinking. Listen, you’ve got to stop beating yourself up about acting the way you feel – it’s totally justified! You got made redundant from that place, despite all your hard work, and then that bitch turns up and begins the pass-agg parade. I’m just pissed you didn’t throw it in her smug face.’
I knew she was right, but I felt stifled. I can’t upset Kyle’s mum without upsetting him and after his message, I was starting to feel like a complete ass for behaving as I had.
‘I couldn’t even tell him about the job,’ I replied, sipping on my drink, pulling a face at the paint-stripping gin. ‘Totally chickened out. And not just because his parents were there. I just couldn’t picture his reaction, you know? I think part of the reason he’s with me is because I’m on an ambitious career path, like him. Or at least I was. What’s he going to say when I tell him I couldn’t get a year beyond the bloody graduate scheme?’
Hestia pursed her lips, a sure sign she was keeping her thoughts to herself. For once.
‘Look. You know I’m not Kyle’s biggest fan,’ she began carefully, waving away my narrowing eyes, ‘but he’s clearly into you, right? It’s been, what, a year now? In all likelihood he’ll be supportive. I mean, his lot are all nepo babies – he’s more likely to get you a better job at his dad’s firm than judge you. Everyone’s either screwing the boss or their son in that world. Come on, tell me I’m wrong.’
She raised her eyebrows above her own drink, daring me to disagree. A flash of light from the dancefloor highlighted the tattoo on her neck, flames licking up to her jaw, as though her passion had burnt through and branded her skin.
I couldn’t disagree. She was right, as usual.
And it made me queasy.
‘What about you and Cal?’ I asked, deflecting. She smiled, but let me get away with it. The complexities around her on/off boyfriend and business partner could’ve filled a week’s worth of conversation, and I felt bad that, what with my recent schedule and Kyle, I hadn’t asked her about it lately.
She shrugged, crimson lips pursing. That was the first hint of her true feelings; the hesitation and sip of her drink were the next. Hestia was easily the most open, blunt and big-hearted person I’d ever met, but when it came to the really deep feelings, the ones that mattered the most, she kept those well guarded.
‘Oh fuck, I don’t know,’ she sighed. ‘I love him, I do. We’ve been together so long now, he feels more like an extension of myself, you know? But . . . maybe it’s because we’re in business, running the studio, living together . . .’ She tailed off, sipping again when she couldn’t express what she felt.
‘You’re a long way from the reason you got together, right?’ I offered, watching as she held my eyes, considering. ‘It’s not exactly romantic, is it? Working 24/7 and having to live other roles before being a couple. You need more connection than that, Hes.’
‘Lottie Wright, you’re an old soul,’ she replied after a pause, her voice gentler. ‘Sure you don’t fancy a gay awakening with me?’
I laughed, half spraying her with my drink at our longstanding banter. I’d never let her forget that she’d all but propositioned me in the toilets, when I was still half dressed as a condom. She’d repeated it at least once a year since, usually saving it for the least appropriate moments, for maximum reaction.
‘Girl, your mighty rack is wasted on me,’ I smirked, saluting her chest. ‘But I will always love you more than anyone else ever can.’
She smiled, fading as her face became serious again.
‘How do we know when it’s right? In a relationship, I mean?’ she asked, staring at her drink, swilling the contents. ‘Does anyone ever really know when they’ve met someone they love? Or if they’re fuckingin love, whatever that is? Sometimes I feel like Cal and I were just all fire and passion to begin with – I mean, Jesus, we didn’t stop fucking for a solid month,’ she noted, smiling briefly at my look, the one that confirmed I’d heard most of it in the next-door bedroom. ‘But it all just went so fast, and with the end of uni . . . Maybe if we’d met at a different time, had had less pressure to make a call on the future . . .’
I put my hand on hers. ‘What are you always telling me? What’s for you will find you. Right? Like this bullshit with my job. If you and Cal are meant to be, then that’s how it’ll turn out. And I guess, maybe, if you find love, a soulmate, whatever the fuck you want to call it, you’ll know.’
We both realized it at the same moment. That if what I’d just said was true, then the only relationship either of us could apply it to was our own.
‘Fuck.’ Hestia sighed, offering her glass up to mine again. We clinked and then both took an overly large gulp. ‘Well, however things pan out, at least you don’t have to work with Kyle.’
‘True,’ I agreed. Then, ‘I’m just going to have to apply to a load of other places,’ I went on, inwardly groaning at the thought of completing application forms and revamping myCV.
‘There’s always Scott,’ she replied, smiling. ‘Nice ass, right?’
I tried not to return the smile and failed.
Hestia squeezed my arm. ‘It’ll all work out. You like the actual marketing side of it, so maybe look out for a job in a more interesting industry? Become an influencer!’
