Page 69 of Untamed Heart
‘Actually . . . it was,’ I said, not missing the change in Cole’s expression, from playful to serious, and the sappy smile Lil returned. ‘But this is . . . not.’
I turned back to the trough, taking off my jacket and boots. And slowly, excruciatingly, lowered myself into the icy water. Biting back a scream, I went in up to my neck.
Lil counted down from ten, and after one, I shot up, gasping.
‘FUCK MEthat’s cold!’
‘C’mon,’ Lil laughed, ‘here’s a towel. Get yourself in the shower.’
I made it back up the slope as they followed, Cole eventually appearing at my shoulder. ‘Come here,’ he said, scooping me up as I protested, Lil chuckling behind us.
‘Oh my God, I’m too heavy for this, seriously!’
He laughed as we approached the porch and he strode up the steps and took us into the warmth inside, walking down the corridor and turning into my room.
‘Princess, I’ve carried saddles heavier than you.’ He sat on my bed, propping me up and rubbing the towel against my arms to warm me. ‘I’ll let you wash up. Jesse and Bailey are cooking – hope your stomach’s feeling strong.’
‘Wait, don’t go,’ I said, eyeing the wet patch on his shirt where I’d leant against it, the way it clung to his abs. ‘We’ve got a few minutes, right?’
I got up and closed the door, pulling off my wet shirt and jeans and walking back over to him.
‘Come have a shower with me,’ I said, taking his face in my hands, my lips finding his.
He responded instantly, his mouth opening as he stroked my waist, one hand working its way around my back towards my bra clasp. Then, gradually, he stopped.
‘Princess, I . . .’ he said, pulling back. ‘Fuck. You have no idea how much I want that shower, but here’s the thing.’ My heart fell, sudden fear crashing into me. He took my hands and looked straight into my eyes. ‘I meant it when I said this is all your decision to stay or go or whatever you choose. I think . . . I hope you know what I want, but until you make that call for sure, I might need to keep to myself a little . . . Well, self-preservation, you know?’
Frozen, I felt the first shimmers of a crack in my heart, a glimpse into whatrealheartbreak might look like. The depths of it yawned ahead of me, deep and black and unending.
‘Okay,’ I whispered, nodding. ‘I . . . understand. I think.’
He stood slowly, holding my face in his hands.
‘I know why it’s difficult to decide on this. Lil told me about the influencer idea, the whole thing. I understand fixing all that first and making a call after, but if you do decide to go home . . .’ He paused, taking a breath. ‘I’m not going to blame you. Not one bit. But I think . . . I need to protect my heart a little.’ I felt tears rising at the unquestionable sincerity in his voice, the pain that leaked into his expression. ‘Because if you do go home, I’m not sure I’m gonna cope too well. That’s not on you, but the further we go with this, the more it’s gonna hurt.’
I nodded again, taking his hands from my face before the tears could fall.
‘I get it,’ I said, stepping back. ‘I just . . . I need to make the right call. I’m scared of fucking everything up again.’
His hands balled into fists as my voice broke, then in one long stride he closed the distance between us, pulling me up to him, his grip gentle. But his kiss was not.
It was fire and promise and every emotion we’d experienced together in the last few weeks. I clung to him, my hands grasping at his shirt, willing him to give in to the way it made us both feel, even though I understood his reasoning for backing off.
‘This isn’t it,’ he said as we broke away from each other for a moment, trying to gather sense and breath. ‘It’s a pause. Whether it’s saying goodbye on the other side, or . . . more.’
I nodded, resting against him for a moment, breathing him in.
‘Warm up now, okay?’ he said, walking over to the door and opening it. ‘I’m gonna go supervise, see if I can’t prevent them poisoning us all, right before the new guests get here.’
I nodded, grabbing my towel from the bed.
‘Cole?’ I said, my voice quiet. Too quiet. He’d slipped away, closing the door softly behind him. I stared at it, feeling the tears gather and fall freely.
‘I’ve fallen in love with you,’ I whispered.
CHAPTER18
With contracts signed and most of my savings committed, we had three days to make the ranch into the most social media-ready version of itself. Lil and I ran around getting the right supplies in, meal-planning and adding extra touches to the cabins – even ordering in personalised Diamond Back Ranch jackets for the incoming guests.
