Page 58 of Untamed Heart
‘I thought as much,’ she said finally, her quiet anger singing through the words. ‘He gave me his version, but I could hear the kinda thing he’d say.’
‘I really lost it with him,’ I murmured, feeling shame wash over me, despite knowing he’d deserved everything he got. ‘I swore and raged . . . I’ve never said anything like that before to him. He just . . . he laid into people that don’t deserve that kind of treatment. I was so embarrassed, Mum, that Lil and Cole – he’s one of the cowboys here – had to hear that.’
‘Yeah, I heard about that,’ she replied, a hint of amusement under the seriousness. ‘You take after my mom like that – she always had a fire in her, passed it onto Carrie and Lil too, I think. It’s not necessarily a bad thing that you told him your truth, however it came out. I wish . . . sometimes I wish I’d had the same courage. Maybe things would’ve been different for you, for both of us. He wouldn’t have pushed you so hard and maybe I . . .’
I gaped at my phone screen. This was the first time I’d ever heard Mum admit anything like this.
‘Don’t blame yourself, Mum,’ I said gently, gathering myself back up. ‘Dad’s . . . difficult. I’m not sure I understand where it all comes from, but it’s not your fault. I should’ve told you sooner about Kyle.’
She sighed.
‘Your dad is complicated,’ she began, slowly. ‘He holds a lot of regret about not making it as a pro-golfer, about settling for a lesser career on the tour and watching younger and better golfers do what he couldn’t. So when you grew up and became the bright and clever woman you are, he channelled all that frustration into you. As for Kyle . . . well. You know I still don’t understand the British obsession with class,’ she admitted, her voice becoming wry. ‘But being involved with a family like that was everything he wanted for you. I know, especially after the way I imagine he spoke to you, that it might be impossible to believe, but he does care about you, sweetie.’
‘Right,’ was all I could manage, aware that any other response would sound too sceptical.
‘I just want you to be happy, Lottie,’ she added, clearly trying to keep a grip on her emotions. ‘I’m not sure running away will fix things, but time and space are important. And honestly, being away from Kyle sounds like a good call. I’m so disappointed he’d treat you like that; it must’ve been so horrible for you.’
I thought back to the moment I’d found out, the shock of it. But I saw it for what it was now, my perspective having shifted. It was just Kyle treating me as he always had, as a bit of fun, someone to show off to his friends and buy gifts for in return for my affection.
‘I did run away,’ I agreed, looking up from my phone for a moment, watching Jasper chewing on the hay and trying to ignore my swirling thoughts about Elk Creek. ‘But it’s turned into something else. You were right, I do love this place. Nothing’s changed.’
‘I thought as much,’ she said, the sound of a smile behind the words. ‘Anything I should know about any cowboys? Your father mentioned something about it, but I didn’t want to assume, given his way of seeing things.’
Debating whether to tell her straight out, I decided against it until things were straightened out with the whole social mess.
‘I’ve been getting to know everyone here. That definitely includes a cowboy, for sure.’
Mum chuckled.
‘You’ve always been the same,’ she replied, her voice soft but knowing. ‘Okay, my sweetheart. As long as you’re doing okay. I’m going to speak to your dad myself, when he’s home. There’s some stuff we need to get out in the open. Avoid this kind of thing ever happening again.’
We said our goodbyes, and as I hung up, I was plunged back into the quiet of the stalls. Watching Jasper for a moment, I continued with my reason for coming down here in the first place.
After brushing him down for a few minutes and tacking him up, I swung myself onto his back, conscious that it wouldn’t be long before one of them came out here. Not wanting to cause panic, I messaged Lil to let her know I’d taken Jasper out for a ride and not to worry.
Then, before I could change my mind, we set off, sedately at first until we got through the gate to the long wildflower meadow that ran right up to the beginning of the ridge. Jasper sensed it even as I did, as though my thoughts shifted my balance in the saddle, the subtle pull on the reins. His walk lengthened, and as I urged him on, he broke straight into a canter, then on into a flat gallop.
I grabbed onto my hat, feeling the brim lift in the whoosh of air past my ears, watching as we passed the landscape at fierce speed, Jasper as keen to move as I was. The tightly coiled low bun I’d stuffed my hair into for the interview suddenly untwisted, the hairband flying off. In seconds my hair billowed out behind me, whipped back in the wind that threatened to take my hat with it.
Jasper made it the whole length of the pasture before tiring, gradually slowing to a walk as I patted his neck. The sun emerged from behind a cloud, casting long rays across the mountainside, the snow glistening in the far distance like ice fire. It was unfathomably beautiful, almost too much to take in.
Desperation hit again. The thought of Lil losing all of this, another bully winning in this world. Ripping apart all she’d known, everything she’d worked for. Any potential future I might’ve had, the idea of a choice that glimmered in the distance, just out of sight.
Of me and Cole. Here.
Gone.
Tears fell as we walked, almost at the gate that led up to the higher pastures, the same route we’d taken for the cattle drive. I decided to keep going, not knowing how to go back, but as I did, another sound built in the quiet, despite the wind, and I glanced around, wiping my tears.
Cole thundered towards us, Domino flat out, her black spots and white coat blurring. Jasper stepped sideways as he heard, turning to face them.
‘Steady,’ Cole said as he approached, pulling Domino up as she fought him.
‘What are you doing?’ I asked, wiping roughly at my face, the urge to grieve alone fighting with the equally strong urge to be as close as physically possible to him.
‘Honey, you can’t just ride off like that,’ he said, bringing Domino closer to us, Jasper’s ears flattening as she approached. ‘Jesse spotted a black bear and her cubs up here just a couple of weekends ago.’
‘Oh,’ I said, suddenly feeling just like the ‘city folk’ he’d once accused me of being.
