Page 28 of Untamed Heart
‘You got a bathing suit with you?’ she asked, a half-smile on her lips as she stood, stretching. ‘We’ll be going up to the pools.’
When I shook my head, she eyed me critically.
‘Well, you could borrow one of mine, but I reckon we’ll need to feed you up for another month before you fill it out. Wait a sec – when are you leaving? You didn’t just book a week, did you?’
‘Nah, two,’ I replied, but at her crestfallen expression I added, ‘I guess it depends on any job interviews coming up. I applied for a whole bunch of them, so I’m not sure how long it’ll take.’
My avoiding Cole had involved endless searching and applying for jobs online, trawling through LinkedIn until my eyes felt like they were bleeding. When I couldn’t face that any more, I’d started the mammoth task of tidying Lil’s office, itching to re-organize her own haphazard ‘filing’ into something neat and tidy.
‘I don’t think it’s ever looked like this,’ she’d breathed, genuine wonder in her eyes as she gazed around the room. ‘Dad was just as messy as me. Mom was always poking at him for it.’
I squeezed her arm.
‘How they doing now?’
She rolled her eyes.
‘I mean, they’re speaking again, which is something, I guess. Couldn’t make it to Mom’s party this week, though – not with the guests and the ranch. Suggested she come over here instead, see some of her old friends but, yeah . . .’ Lil paused, biting her lip. ‘Still too painful, I think. It was real bad at the end, Lottie. I’m glad you never saw that.’
I hugged her tight then, and she returned it.
‘I’m so sorry you had to do all that alone,’ I whispered.
‘I had Cole,’ she said, giving me a last squeeze. ‘He held me together.’
Even though it had no right to, my heart dropped like a stone.
‘Wait – you and Cole . . . you knew him back then? Were you together?’
She giggled then, her face lighting up, looking suddenly younger. ‘Oh, hell no! I mean, I thought about it at the very beginning – who wouldn’t, right? But he’s just been a good friend. The best, actually. I know he comes across different sometimes.’ She cocked her head at me, arching an eyebrow. ‘But he’s not an asshole. The opposite. If anything, he’s overprotective, takes on too much to save me worrying about it. Dude ranching is hard work and keeping the bookings coming in is even harder. There are things in Cole’s past that complicate stuff. I don’t want to speak for him, but honestly, the way he is – it’s not about you, Lottie. I swear it.’
I nodded, keeping my face blank. Clearly Cole hadn’t said anything to her about our drunken kiss, and strangely, I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed.
‘I’m glad he’s been good to you,’ I replied, trying to smile and placate her a little. ‘You deserve nothing less.’
We’d left it there, with things unsaid on both sides. Now the weekend was finally here, and with the fine May weather continuing, there was one more thing to do before we left.
‘You didWHAT?’ Hestia had bellowed, the sound distorting on my phone as she screamed and laughed in the background. ‘YES LOTTIE! Fucking epic – tell me everything, ohmygod – I can’t believe you did that!’
I’d filled her in, but strangely the closer I came to telling her about Cole, the further I pushed it away. I wasn’t sure what I felt about any of it, especially after talking to Lil. Her picture of Cole, the best friend, the kind, hot guy in the bar whose mouth and hands had made me feel more than I ever had before . . . and then the provocative asshole here on the ranch.
‘Do not come home until you’ve had a good, long break, okay? Ride some cowboys. What is it they say? Save a horse, ride a cowboy?’
‘I miss you,’ I laughed, tucking in the edges of my shirt.
‘Me too,’ she added. ‘I could go for a cowboy – or girl – myself. Cal’s being a total dick.’
We’d talked about him for a while and I’d ended the call wanting to invite her here for a break of her own, thinking how well she’d fit in. Then I’d realized that on second thoughts, she’d take one look at Cole and me, and know. Plus, he’d be receiving a roasting if the asshole side re-emerged. I smiled, imagining it. He wouldn’t stand a chance.
And now there was the last, most difficult message to deliver.
Chickening out of a phone call and not wanting to replicate his own dick behaviour by stooping to a WhatsApp message, I decided on an email. It took about half an hour to write, and I tried to sound matter-of-fact rather than angry. I wanted him to know that I’d seen him with that woman, that it left no room for argument or further conversation about us. I left out the part about leaving London, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing it’d devastated me enough to make me retreat to another country.
Having ignored his two messages from the previous day –You’re very quiet, all okay?andWhat about Claridge’s next Friday? x– I knew it couldn’t be put off much longer. Grabbing the small bag Lil had loaned me for my overnight things and finger hesitating over the send button, I closed my eyes and tapped it. Done.
Leaving my phone on the bed, I headed out to the yard, shielding my eyes from the sun. New people chatted with Jesse and Lil as horses were taken out of two large trailers nearby. The drive was a big operation, meaning cowboys from other ranches came to help. Bailey was tacking up the horses and with Cole thankfully not present, I made a beeline for her.
‘Oh hey, glad you’re coming along, bunking with me tonight.’ She winked at me as I approached Jasper, checking his cinch and giving him a quick scratch.
