Page 96 of Hurt Me Not
It might have been wrong. It might even have been illegal. But as I thought back to everything she’d done for me or because of me in the background, not taking or even wanting credit for it, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks.
The restaurant she closed down because they fired me.
The date she’d taken me on, even though I was pretty sure she didn’t give a shit about art.
The food she made sure I had at the office just because.
The book she’d kept all that time and had read to get to know me.
The hugs she gave me when she had never hugged anyone before.
The bracelet she never took off and that I’d never mentioned.
All of it… She didn’t have totellme her feelings, they were all there. She had shown me how she felt through her actions, which was far more important. And I was now kicking myself because I hadn’t seen it. I’d been so focused on the damned words…
She had a father who abused her and no one else to rely on but herself for most of her life, but she had tried to show me that she was worthy of my love. Even though I already knew she was.
To think I just left like that and even demanded she kept that flannel, the only thing I’d saved of hers all those years… It broke my heart.
Where was the Pearl who would do anything to be by her side? The one who had tried to protect her years before?
When we started this whole thing, I told her I saw her, just like she saw me. That wasn’t true. She did see me and went out of her way to show me how much I meant to her. But I never truly saw her.
Emerson deserved better than this.
I fucked up.
I fell against the door in my apartment and slowly sank to the floor.
Since I’d first met Emerson, all I wanted was her attention. No matter what form it came in. I had craved it. Cravedher. And then when I got a taste of it, I got selfish.
I tried to change Emerson into something she wasn’t. The Emerson who had been standing in front of me hadn't been good enough for me. I wanted more.
All this time, Emerson had been trying to pull out the person I’d been hiding inside. She knew and accepted me for who I was. She wasn't trying to change me, she was just trying to bring out the person I'd always been.
But I kept pushing her for more.
Slowly, I got up and walked further into the dark apartment, turning on the lights as I went, my mind running through everything I would need to do to get her back.
There was still a possibility that she would turn me away as soon as I showed up at her door, but I had to try anyway.
She’s worth it.
So I started planning. Obviously, I needed to get dressed in something I knew that she would like. I smiled at the thought of showing up to her house in nothing but a trench coat and lingerie. A classic.
But I didn’t need that.
The outfit only needed to be enough to catch her attention because I planned to apologize thoroughly as soon as I was inside. Get down on my knees. Show her that I was ready to take this seriously. Take whatever punishment she wanted to dole out and then finally hug her when she was done.
Because it wasn’t just about the sex, even though it was out of this world. It was what came after. The hugging, the caressing, the touching.
Us.
I was giddy with the excitement of seeing her again. I took out three possible dresses to wear, but my mind was still on the damned trench coat, so I set that aside too, along with a barely-there bra and panties and a garter belt.
Screw the dresses, this is it.
Just as I went to the fridge to grab myself a drink, I got a chill over my body.Maybe I left a window open?But it wasn’t just the usual coldness. It was…
