Page 70 of Hurt Me Not
I dabbed my tears away, cursing myself for pushing her so hard.
I didn’t mean for it to turn out this way.
What hurt the worst wasn’t her walking out on me, but her saying thatIof all people was worthy of love.
Just maybe not hers.
Chapter 16
Emerson
Ilingered outside her room, her door ajar.
She was on her bed, her laptop in front of her, books strewn across the space around her, large over-ear headphones on, and she looked stressed as hell.
Guilt had been weighing on me since our last dinner together, and I looked as bad as I felt. Even Cristian had looked at me funny, probably noticing the perpetual frown and the bags under my eyes.
Plus, she hadn’t been at the office with me, which didn’t help.
It had been three days since that night, and everything between us was… very cordial. Too cordial. Her classes were picking up, and she spent most of her free time studying. I knew I had to give her time for that, and it had nothing to do with that fucking contract.
She deserved to get her degree. She deserved to have something she worked for and got because she wanted to.
She deserved everything.
It made me feel even worse about what I said. Or, more specifically, what I didn’t say.
I never meant to make her feel that way. I had no idea it would be the wrong thing to say and that it would change things between us until she hit me withthat.
I’m not worthy of love… I never have been.
Many people had contributed to her feeling this way. Her parents, who just ignored her. Those girls in the library who made her relive what she went through. Her fucking stalker, who probably had added another layer to it.Hewould be dealt with soon enough.
My hand paused on the door, ready to push it open, but I still couldn’t bring myself to do it. Because I had contributed to it most of all.
“Your love?”
“Please.”
What she didn’t know was that she had my love from the beginning.
I love you, Pearl. But you are worthy of more. Of someone not as broken as I am. Someone who’s able to give you those words freely.
I knew what I should do. Open the door, sit on her bed, and talk to her. Let her know it had all been a misunderstanding. Explain myself. But I still hesitated.
Come on. Get it together. Why are you standing here like this?
This time, if she walks out on you, it’s forever. It’s your fault.
My inner voice snapped me out of it. I pushed open the door, and her head snapped to me as I entered. She pulled one side of her headphones off, an invitation to speak.
“For your studying,” I said and gave her the bag of milk teas and sour candy I ordered for her. Something I watched her snack on after school while she was studying. The combination was a bit nauseating to me, but I knew she’d love it.
She sat up, her cropped shirt pulling up to show me her stomach. I could tell she wasn’t wearing a bra under it, and her sweatpants were low on her hips, just calling my name.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
I wanted so badly to peel everything off her, but I kept my hands to myself.
