Page 3 of Tracker
The absurdity almost made him laugh. Almost. The absolute longing hit with such a force, it shocked Tracker into silence for a moment. When he spoke, he couldn’t make his voice go above a whisper. “Please don’t toy with me like that. It’s not fair to—”
“I haven’t had sex with anyone in over two years.”
Now, that interruption had Tracker forgetting everything. As far as uncomfortable confessions went, that had to be huge for Zeus. “Wow.” Tracker blinked. “Wow.” He didn’t know why he repeated himself. “You’re…well, you don’t need me to tell you. There’s an entire club of people begging for you every night. Are you bored? I mean, you literally have your pick of any kink and person.”
“My club is my job. Keeping control there is everything. Everyone at my feet is there looking to be kept on their knees. It’s not necessarily about sex. But to answer your question, no. I’m not bored.”
Tracker’s confusion tripled. “Then why?”
Zeus smiled. “If I answer that, then I’m giving two confessions. You only gave me one.”
Tracker shrugged. “Ask me another question.” It couldn’t get worse than the last.
“When was the last time you had sex?”
He stood corrected. It could get worse. “Ask me anything but that.”
The way Zeus looked at him made Tracker feel like Zeus saw inside his soul and plucked out the answer on his own. “You should let me make love to you.”
Tracker’s brain froze. All thought left him. He honestly wasn’t sure he would ever think again.
Zeus held his breath and never broke eye contact. He shouldn’t have said anything. Nothing good ever came from him showing an ounce of emotion to anyone. Everyone knew he was that guy. The one with no feelings. The one no one could love. It was the desperation and loneliness in Tracker’s eyes. No one else saw it, and Zeus couldn’t see anything else.
“You’re my best friend.”
Zeus didn’t back down. “And you’re mine.”
“You don’t understand. I don’t have anyone else like you. For fuck’s sake, I’m talking to a guy online who may not even be a guy. For all I know, he’s a CIA agent or something. He’s always busy, so he’s very likely married. But I keep holding my breath for every message he sends because that’s as close as I’ll ever be to having any sort of romantic relationship. If we had sex, you wouldn’t see me the same. You’d see me the way you do everyone else. Then you’d come around less and less until I never saw you again.”
Zeus had to stay calm. Tracker needed him to be steady and patient. He also needed Zeus to touch him… or maybe Zeus had to tell himself that. “Please stop. You’re the smartest person I know. Take a step back and breathe.”
Tracker drew a sharp and shaky breath. The sound of it seemed to shock Tracker back to reality. He took another breath, as if he needed to prove he was calm.
Zeus took it as a good sign. “I really hope you didn’t mean at least half of what you said. Do you really think that about me? Do you think I could walk away from you?”
Tracker’s eyes fell closed, as if it hit him how far he had gone. When his eyes reopened, he looked crestfallen. “No. You’re way more amazing than anyone realizes. I’m just—” Tracker gave up. Zeus practically felt the defeat hit him.
Zeus regretted everything about starting this conversation. “I love you.”
A small smile touched Tracker’s lips. “I love you too.”
Zeus dipped his chin. “You’re incredible. Here.” Zeus moved closer. “Come here.” He snagged Tracker and hauled him against his chest, snuggling with him. “Let me at least do this. You need to be held, and I need to hold you, okay?”
Tracker let out a tired-sounding laugh against his chest. “Okay.”
He kissed Tracker’s head and didn’t move away. “Maybe you’ll let me kiss you sometime.”
Tracker chuckled again.
Zeus felt Tracker’s muscles relax. That was good. Zeus wasn’t toying with Tracker. This was important to him. He ran his hand down Tracker’s spine. Zeus kept his touch intentional. Humans need human touch as much as they need food, water, and air to survive.
Zeus spoke softer, luring Tracker in. “Maybe if you don’t hate my kiss, after you give it some thought, you can let me know about the making-love thing.”
Tracker’s lips lightly brushed his chest.
Zeus closed his eyes and savored the sensation. Tracker didn’t understand. Zeus needed this too. No one touched him and felt anything. That feather kiss had more genuine emotion behind it than any kiss he had ever experienced.
“Why did you decide to go celibate?”
