Page 46 of Break For Me
Killian looks up at me. His green eyes are lucid. Sharp.
"You’re good," he says quietly. "Whoever you are."
"Dr. Adrian Sterling."
"You’re good, Dr. Sterling." His eyes close. The effort of speech has cost him something. His body collects the debt immediately, pulling him back toward the dark.
His blood pressure is dropping—I can see it in the pallor spreading from his jaw to his temples, the sluggish capillary refill when I press his nail bed. The exertion of the escape—the carry, the cold, the adrenaline surge and crash—has pushed him past his physiological reserves. Pain-induced syncope. His body is shutting down non-essential systems to keep the essential ones running. I've seen this a hundred times. The body triaging itself.
Rocco wedges a piece of firewood under the door handle—a crude barricade that would buy three seconds against a breach. He checks the window. Checks the Makarov. Four rounds. He sets it on the shelf beside the blank cans and stands in the center of the room. His hands hang at his sides. His chest heaves. The controlled architecture of his composure is visibly fracturing.
The adrenaline crash hits us at the same moment.
I feel it in my knees first. The sudden liquefaction of muscle that has been running on cortisol for hours. My legs buckle. I catch myself against the wall, my palm flat on the plywood. My medical bag slides off my shoulder and lands on the floor with a dull thud.
My hands are shaking. Both of them.
"You almost got us killed."
His voice fills the small room. He’s facing the door, his back to me. His shoulders rise and fall with each breath. The words are aimed at the plywood but they hit me.
"I navigated us down a ravine with a post-surgical patient and no one died," I say. My voice shakes. "If you’re looking for someone to blame for the pursuit, I suggest the man who left a witness alive in my hallway."
He turns. The speed of it is startling in the cramped space. He pivots, his frame filling the gap between the stove and the wall. He blocks the grey light from the window.
His face is dark. The bruise on his jaw has faded to yellow-green. The split on his cheekbone has closed under its butterfly strips. But his eyes are black. The pupils swallow the iris. What lives behind them is not anger.
"You think you kept us alive?"
"I know I kept us alive. I’ve kept all of you alive since you dragged me out of my apartment. Every suture. Every dressing. Every time you tore yourself open because you’re too stubborn to sit still, I put you back together. I am the reason your hand still works. I am the reason Killian is breathing on that bench. I am the only reason any of you are still?—"
He closes the distance. Two strides in a room that only has room for two strides.
His hand is on my chest. His right hand, the good one. The palm flat against my sternum. He pushes me against the wall. My shoulder blades hit the plywood. The wall flexes. His hand stays.
I can feel his heartbeat through his palm. Or mine through his. The rhythms are indistinguishable—both rapid, both hard. Both driven by something the autonomic nervous system has classified as threat but the body has classified as something else entirely.
"You think you’re better than me." His face is close. Inches. I can see the grain of his skin. The individual hairs in his beard. The red web in the whites of his eyes. His breath hits my mouth."You think because you fix things and I break them, you’re on the other side."
"There is no other side."
The words come from the place where my clinical wall used to be. The place that has been crumbling since the motel. Since the auto shop floor. Since I fell asleep against his chest and woke up warm.
"You said it yourself. I’m just as dirty as you are."
His hand presses harder. My sternum aches. My back is flat against the wall and his body is a wall in front of me and the space between the two walls is shrinking to nothing.
"Prove it," I say.
His mouth hits mine like a fist.
There is no softness in it. No hesitation. His lips are cracked and his beard scrapes my chin. His teeth catch my lower lip and pull. The pain is bright and specific. I open my mouth against it because the pain is the first honest thing that has happened between us. The first contact that isn't wrapped in gauze or justified by a fever or excused by a clinical protocol.
His tongue pushes into my mouth. His hand moves from my chest to my jaw, gripping, tilting my head back, controlling the angle. His fingers dig into the hinge of my mandible. His other hand—the bandaged one—braces against the wall beside my head. I hear the plywood creak under his weight.
I grab the front of his flannel. Both hands. My fists close in the fabric and I pull him closer, which is insane because there is no closer. His chest is against mine. His hips are against mine. I can feel the length of him hardening against my stomach, the sheer mass of his arousal pressing through the thin layer of sweatpants.
He breaks the kiss. His mouth moves to my jaw, my throat. His teeth find the tendon that runs from my ear to my clavicle and he bites. The pain detonates down my spinal column. Myhips jerk forward involuntarily, grinding against his thigh. The sound I make is not clinical.
