Page 66 of Arranged Scars
I want to talk to someone about it, and Finn’s pretty much the only person I can turn to. Except he’s never around.
Sometimes he’ll appear. An hour here, fifteen minutes there. The door to his room shuts, the shower comes on, and he’s gone as soon as he’s finished. I’m not even sure if he’s sleeping here anymore. I have my own room, my own space, my own life.
But I’m itching for more.
Dermot and Malachy are still out there.
My father is too.
When did I get like this? All my life, I’ve been hiding from my brothers. The idea of getting revenge never even occurred to me. At best I thought I could be like a mouse, hidden and quiet, never making any noise that would draw the attention of predators.
Now it’s like I’m a different person.
Was this in me the whole time and I just never knew it?
Thoughts swirl in my head. But most of all there’s a quiet but intense yearning for my husband. I want his hands on my body. I want his mouth near mine. I need to feel his solid, steady breathing, so I can feel like I’m not falling apart. And I need him to break me, just a little bit.
Eventually, I can’t take it anymore. It’s a Saturday night when I finally storm out of the apartment and down into the city. I know the Whelan family and I’m very familiar with their haunts. I’ve been to half the bars and heard about the rest. There’s a non-zero chance I’ll run into someone I know, but that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, right?
To everyone else, I’m just a married woman looking for her no-good husband.
They don’t know I’m a killer trying to find my accomplice.
I hit pay dirt on the fourth place I try. It’s a bar at the edge of Whelan territory, an old rundown dive with a broken dartboard and sticky floors. It smells like whiskey and something sour. Liam’s sitting at a corner booth with a laptop open in front of him and a drink clutched in his hand. He’s frowning at the screen.
“You’re not who I wanted to find, but you’ll do in a pinch.”
He looks up, momentarily startled, and quickly gathers himself. His customary smirk spreads across his lips as he leans back, shuts his laptop lid, and considers me.
“Now what is my boss’s wife doing in a shithole like this?”
“Where’s Finn?” I slide into the booth across from Liam. “I want to talk to him.”
“He’s your husband. You should probably know.”
“Believe it or not, he basically does whatever he wants.”
“No shock there.”
“He’s not answering his phone. He’s ignoring my texts. Where’s Finn?”
Liam grunts and looks away. He seems thoughtful, which isn’t usually like him. “You know what I hate? Fucking computers.”
“Weird, since there’s one right in front of you.”
“They can do basically anything, right? But you have to know what you want first, and that’s always been my problem. I want everything right now immediately all at once.”
“Sounds like a personal problem. Tell Finn I’m waiting for him.”
Liam drums his fingers on the lid. “But you know whoisgood at computers?” He pauses meaningfully. “Your brother.”
That gets my attention. “You’ve been following Dermot?”
“I’ve been following all of them.” He tilts his head like he’s trying to come to a decision. “I’ve got one question. Does Dermot like to play poker?”
“Seriously? Yeah, he likes it. I’ve seen him playing online a million times. I’m pretty sure he makes money doing it.”
“Professional gambler, huh. He must be pretty talented.”
