Page 65 of Arranged Scars
“Mom—”
“The explosion knocked me over. The explosion broke my hip. That’s enough from you, Caroline.”
“Just admit you remember. That’s all I want. You don’t have to say anything else, but just admit?—”
“Redmond was a good boy.” She cuts me off and her smile’s gone now. Her eyes are sharp and hard. “He didn’t know how to express himself. Sometimes he went too far, just like sometimesyougo too far. I love all my children, despite their mistakes.”
“Right, okay, but?—”
“I keep my mouth shut. That’s what I’ve always done. It’s how I’ve survived all these years. I miss Shane and Redmond so much it makes my insides twist. That’s all I’ll say, and you should stop torturing an old woman.”
I stare at her, heart pattering. This is the closest she’s ever come to admitting it. If I push, maybe she’ll finally say it, maybe she’ll talk to me about all the abuse we’ve been through. I never realized they were hurting her too, but of course they were. That’s why she is how she is.
She’s a victim, like me.
We have so much to say to each other, but it’s like there’s a glass wall keeping us apart. I can see through it, and she can too, but no matter how loud I yell, she just can’t hear me.
I let out a long breath and hug her. She hugs me back tightly. In the end, I decide to let it go. What will it change, forcing her to talk? It won’t bring back Red or Shane—thank God for that—and it won’t erase years of pain and hate and fear. It’ll only hurt her.
Besides, I made Finn swear he’ll leave her alone, even though she’s a dangling loose end.
It’s better for her health if she keeps on denying everything.
My husband’s a lot of things, butforgivingisn’t one of them.
We leave the hospital. The driver takes us back to my father’s house. Mom has trouble with the steps, but we manage. I get her settled in the living room, go through her care plan with her for the tenth time, and make sure she’s got her medications already filled. I’d like to bring Dad into this, but that asshole’s nowhere to be seen.
“You sure you’re going to be okay?” I look around and idly fluff a pillow. I want to do more, but there’s not much else. “I can go find Dad for you?”
“Please, don’t bother him.” She touches my hand lightly. “I’m fine, Caroline. Go back home. How is that husband of yours, by the way?”
“He’s okay. I haven’t seen much of him recently.”
She tilts her head to the side, considering me intently. I wonder briefly if she realizes that Finn and I were there specifically to kill Redmond, or if she thinks it was some bizarre coincidence that I was waiting in the night with a hammer, only to freak out when he was beating her. She probably figured it out, but I can’t ever be sure. Again, better not to ask.
“Listen to him.” Her voice is cool all of a sudden. Her fingers dig into my wrist. “Whatever you’re up to, just be careful.”
“It’s fine, Mom. You don’t have to worry.”
She releases me and smiles vaguely. “Actually, you can do one more thing for me. Can you show me how to work this stupid remote? We got a new TV a few weeks ago and I just can’t make it work the way I used to.”
“Sure, Mom. I’ll set you up.”
25
CAROLINE
Idon’t see much of my husband over the next week.
When this all started, the idea of going an entire seven days without having to interact with Finn Whelan would’ve seemed like heaven. Back then, all I wanted was to be left alone.
Now I’m getting plenty of time to myself. I can swim, sauna, lounge, watch movies, basically do whatever I want without anyone bothering me. I don’t have to think about money, about cleaning the apartment, about my family hunting me down.
I’m free in a way I’ve never experienced before.
And I hate it.
I keep feeling the hammer bashing into Red’s face. I keep seeing Shane’s bloated and disgusting corpse. Sometimes I’ll surface from being under in the pool and feel like I still have blood stuck all over my skin.
