Page 95 of Friends That Heal Us
I’m sure she’s over there thinking I’m living some kind of dream life with Ezra, like everything’s perfect and my life is looking up. But honestly? That couldn’t be further from the truth. Everything is so complicated right now.
After finishing the class, I actually feel somewhat relaxed thanks to the meditation she put us through. I didn’t think I could calm myself down enough to enjoy this, but I did.
“So,” Ashley says with a wide grin on her face. “What’s new? What’s been going on with you and your lover boy?”
“Ugh, well,” I start to answer, looking over at the last of the girls leaving.
“What happened?” Her brows knit together. “Don’t tell me he got back with his ex.”
I shake my head, biting my bottom lip. “He moved out because he needed more of a commitment, and I wasn’t able to give it to him.”
Her mouth parts. “Girl, you messed up.”
“What?” I’m shocked at how forthcoming she is.
“This man has loved you for as long as he’s known you. And he watched you marry someone else. And he was still there for you after that man did what he did to the both of you.”
My heart sinks. Her words sting hard. Suddenly, I can feel every stupid decision I’ve made all at once. Did I fuck up? I bite my lip harder. Ezra has been by my side through it all, even when he was hurting watching me be with someone else. And what did I do? I got scared and pushed him away.
I swallow hard. “I know…but I just?—”
“No,” she cuts me off, shaking her head. “Violet, a guy like that doesn’t come around very often, and the way I watched him look at you on the day of your opening made my heart skip a beat.”
My chest tightens. “It’s hard,” I admit with tears welling in my eyes.
She tilts her head. “It is hard. But he was making it easier for you. I could tell, and I could see it in you. You were happy and it was written all over you.”
I look down at my hands fidgeting with my nails. “I’m scared. What if it doesn’t work and I lose him as a friend?”
“I think the love you two have for each other is worth the risk.”
My eyes sting even more, and my heart feels like it’s sinking straight through my ribs. Because for the first time…I’m realizing how badly I messed this up.
I stop my car in front of my garage while the door opens up. After the conversation with Ashley, I drove home in the kind of daze where I don’t even remember the drive. How could I have let someone so great for me get away?
I sit in my car for a few more minutes, wiping my tears away before deciding to get out and head inside. The sound of the door shuts and echoes through my ears, making my heart beat faster. The silence and darkness of my home overwhelm me. It’s more of an eerie feeling. A home I used to love. A home I was so comfortable with. It used to be a home that felt like a home. Now it feels nothing like that at all. My home isn’t a material thing anymore. It’s a person.
Ezra is my home.
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
EZRA
“You’re such a good boy,”I say, rubbing my foster puppy’s belly. He loves belly rubs, and every time he sees me coming closer to him, he lies on his back demanding them.
The shelter called me after the five day hold was up and no one claimed them. They were old enough not to have to nurse from their mom anymore, so I picked one up to foster. I’ve only had him for two days and I’m already in love. I don’t know how I’m going to let him go once he’s adopted.
I’ve been so busy this past week that I have had little time to think about Violet and I. At least until I’m lying in bed trying to fall asleep and the only thoughts that come to mind are of her. I even got restless leg syndrome again while lying there thinking of her. It felt like my body was betraying me. I was already having a hard time because of her, and then it wanted to kick me out of bed and make me walk around aimlessly until it decided it’s done being a pain in my ass. It helped nothing because all it did was make me think about her even more and all the times she would rub my feet until I fell asleep.
I’m glad I have my boy with me because he has so much energy he keeps my mind off things during the day. He snuggles up to me when it’s time to go to bed, which has helped a lot. I always heard that a dog is a man’s best friend. I never knew it to be true until now.
I lay down on my side on the mattress that lies on the bare floor of my new apartment. I found a one-bedroom apartment right away that the landlord was leasing on a month-to-month basis since he is trying to sell the place. It worked out perfectly. It will give me some time to not rush the process of finding a house. I rushed into signing the lease for this apartment because I didn’t want to live with my parents. I love them, but I just can’t.
Before I was waiting to pull the trigger in buying a house because of Vi, but I can’t keep waiting on other people. I have to keep moving forward for my sake.
A small whiny yawn comes out of the pup while I continue to rub his belly. He’s curled right up against my stomach. I need to find a name for him.
Knocks against the door echo throughout the apartment. He jerks up and starts wagging his tail, looking around aimlessly.
