Page 95 of How (Not) to Conjure a Boyfriend
It’s a chorus of voices. Everyone but Gramps and Kiki are here. I hone in on Eliza. She’s smiling uncomfortably, like me.
“Hey, y’all,” I say back, and then Hayden comes around the corner.
“Kenz, you’re here!” He sounds excited, but it’s off. His tone is almost like an act, or maybe it’s just the way I’m hearing it. And did he call meKenz?
“I’m here.” I bounce my shoulders awkwardly.
“Come sit, you’re just in time. Mom just finished cooking,” Hayden says.
I start toward the table and sit in the chair Hayden pulls out like some sixteenth century gentleman. What is happening? What does Hayden have to tell me that merits this? I’m in so much trouble.
“I like your sweater,” Holly says as she takes the chair opposite of Hayden’s.
“Thank you.” I grin, touching the simple thick navy fabric with the snowflakes all over it. It’s the first genuine, not horrified smile I’ve given today. She’s so sweet.
“It’s cute,” Mary-Anne echoes from across the table. “Where did you get it?”
“I, uh…” I have to think about it a moment. Most of my clothes come from Walmart or the local thrift stores around town. This one, though, I think I remember getting last winter at one of the second-hand stores with Mom. She’d said Dad would have liked it, and I wouldn’t let it go after that. “It came from a consignment store. I don’t remember the name. It’s really nothing special.”
“It looks great on you though,” Mary-Anne says, smiling tightly.
“It does,” Super Old Gran agrees. She’s bent over in the chair across the table from Mary-Anne, next to Mr. Marcus at the head of the table, all smiles as I’ve become accustomed to. I can always believe it if she says it. “Shows those hips off good. At least we know Hayden has something to hold on to.”
“Granny!” Hayden and Zach say simultaneously.
“Mom!” Mary-Anne reaches across the table. “That’s not—”
“Don’t be old fashioned, Mary. We know what they’re doing. I don’t know how they’re doing it, but we all know they’re—”
“Okay!” Mr. Marcus bellows over my favorite grandma.
The look on Zachary’s and Hayden’s faces would have been delightful a month ago. The panic. But now, it does little more than help remove the spotlight from me for a moment. I smile with my teeth clenched. I love her. I don’t want to lose her, but it’s inevitable.
“How about we say grace, and then we can try to have more appropriate table conversations.” Mr. Marcus nods and then drops his head to pray.
I bow my head but don’t close my eyes. There’s always this part of me that feels weird in these situations, when everyone else is blind and I cautiously look around the table. It’s like I’m peeking into something I shouldn’t be, but I think it’s just knowing people’s expectations.
Holly has her hands up in front of her face, fingers clasped together. Jeff is next to Eliza, who to my surprise looks to be praying along. Hayden looks like he's focusing hard. I hope that has nothing to do with me. I say a quick little intention of my own.Freyja, give me strength. Give me peace. Give me…strength.I say it again while Mr. Marcus passes the two minute mark of his prayer. Granny looks like she’s about to nod out. I bite my lip and hold back a giggle. That’s when I notice Zach’s eyes are wide open and he’s looking at me.
I slam my eyes shut like I’ve been caught looking at something private. It’s absurd, but it’s instinct.
“Amen,” Mr. Marcus ends the prayer, and a few other amens go up around the table.
“Dig in,” Mary-Anne says, and everyone except me starts attacking the food on the table.
Finally I reach for the basket of rolls and pull one out.
“You should have Christmas with us,” Super Old Gran yells across the table. “Randall here,” she nods toward Mr. Marcus, “always reads fromHow the Grinch Stole Christmas.”
“And we watch the movie too!” Holly shouts.
Christmas?How the Grinch Stole Christmas?It’s a lot at once. Especially since I won’t be around then.
“The good one, too, the one with Jim Carey,” Zachary says.
“I don’t know. I think Mom and I are doing our usual,” I tell Gran. It’s just staying home and opening gifts, but it’s what we do. We used to go to the theater on Christmas Day to watch whatever was playing. It was our tradition. I think it might have been Mom and Dad’s tradition first though, but the theater started closing on Christmas last year, so now we just stream something at home. At least we have more options.
“That sounds nice.” Mary-Anne nods. “We don’t want to take you from that.”
