Page 92 of How (Not) to Conjure a Boyfriend
I grunt, defeated, with my eyes drooping to the ugly red plaid tablecloth. There’s only one cheese stick left, so I steal it from the basket and shove it in my mouth. I try to focus on it instead of the uneasy feeling in my chest that’s swinging hazardously between nausea and fuzzy warm patches.
“They do say being in love is like being drunk.” Kaity slaps my cheek to get me to look back up at her. “You do weird things.”
“Not in love!” I wave my hand frantically. Let’s get one thing straight here. I don’t even know what it means to be in love for sure, so that’s not on the table yet. I refuse. “Definitely not in love.”
Kaity shrugs and grunts. “Maybe we should talk about how you’re going to fix all this, then. You can’t keep this up. Even if you don’t do it for them, you have to for you, at least.”
I huff. That might have been the wisest thing I’ve ever heard come out of Kaitlynn’s lips, but I so didn’t want to hear it. Can I just not think about it? Can it just stop being this black cloud looming over my head day and night? I want to act like it’s not on my mind. Go on living like things are normal, like they used to be when I was just lusting after a boy, and that’s it. Can’t I just be delusional?
“Come on, Kenzie.” Kaitlynn leans across the table.
Our faces are close, and she’s got this look that sayslisten to me or elsein the kindest way a threat can be conveyed. I lean back and let out another huff.
“Fine. How do I fix it?” I ask.
“Tell the truth?” she suggests. “Isn’t that the most obvious solution?”
“And the hardest,” I counter.
“And the only way.” She brushes her hand in the air dismissively. “Do you really think Freyja and Odin want to keep saving your tail?”
“They’re gods, they’re good for it.” I shrug.
Kaity laughs and then cups my hands in hers. “Joking aside, Kenz, you need to tell them the truth.”
“But I don’t want to hurt anyone,” I say.
I wish I could say that’s the only reason it’s hard, that it’s the only reason I haven’t done it yet, but I can’t. Besides Kaity’s unfortunately accurate point, it’s pride mostly. I don’t want to be seen asthatguy. The liar. The asshole. The screwup. That’s what I think holds me back the most. It’s selfish, I know, but it’s alsoabout them. I swear. I truly don’t want to hurt them. And I don’t want to lose them. They’re everything I always wished I had. And then there’s the whole school knowing I’m “dating” Hayden… That doesn’t help anything.
“Someone is going to get hurt, Kenzie.” She gives me the news I didn’t want to hear. “I’m sorry, but it’s true.”
“Yeah. You’re right. Maybe Hayden will be relieved though.” I try to laugh.
“Maybe.” Kaitlynn giggles with me. “Or maybe he’ll be disappointed he doesn’t get you.”
“I doubt that. But what about Super Old Gran?” I pose the question.
“Who?” Kaitlynn looks confused, eyes twitching back and forth going through the Marcus family roster in her head probably. “Oh—”
“His great-grandma,” I say before she can.
“Still can’t believe they call their great-grandma Super Old Gran.” She smiles.
“Same,” I say.
“My nana would freak if I called her that,” she laughs.
“Oh gods, she would for sure!” I agree. Her grandmother is great, but she doesn’t like it when people bring up her age.
“Yeah.” Kaitlynn nods.
“But yeah, I’m just worried, you know. She’s old and Eliza said she might have a heart attack from the shock. Well, she didn’t say that exactly, but still.” That’s even worse than hurting someone’s feelings. They’d all be hurting if I killed Granny. “Can’t do that.”
“You’re not going to off Super Old Gran by telling the truth. And wait.” Kaitlynn frowns. “Eliza knows?”
“Yeah,” I say with the same surprise. “I told you this! She said she was going to do it for me! But she still hasn’t.”
“Sorry!” Kaitlynn huffs. “That’s right. You did. My bad. But she still hasn’t? You sure that’s best anyway?”
