Page 38 of How (Not) to Conjure a Boyfriend
The back of my throat is dry despite the humidity, and pinpricks run up my shoulder. What is she thinking? Does she hate me now? Am I a horrible person in her mind?
I am in mine.
“Mackenzie.” Her voice is quiet and kind, but it feels like the friend equivalent of Mom calling me Mackenzie Nicholas Jackson. “I guess the real question is, do you care about him? Do you know Hayden enough to care about him?”
I snap my gaze away and crinkle my nose. Elegantly manicured ferns fill my vision against the stoic concrete barrier lining the front porch. My eyes lock on a single frond. Its toothy pear-green leaves along a single stalk are coated in water. One among a much larger thriving ecosystem. Together, but also alone. I get lost in its leaves until a droplet pelts my forehead.
“I don’t know.” I wipe the water from my head, annoyed by my response. I do know…I think, at least. “I mean yeah, but no. I want to.”
“But do you?” she asks again.
I shrug. How can I know? The longest conversation we’ve ever had was that time he ordered snacks for his family and he had to keep repeating which cakes and pastries he wanted. That wasn’t a conversation though. Not really.
“They deserve to know the truth.” Eliza says it slowly, her words coated in Southern honey with a kick of Cajun.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I know.”
What I don’t know is how to break it to them. This wasn’t how I’d expected anyone to find out, and I don’t think I can just say it. I can’t just bring it up. That’s too hard.
“I’ll tell them,” I say anyway. Because it’s right, even though my mind is in gridlock and my anxiety is through the roof.
“No.” Eliza pats my knee. Wait, she saidno?
“Huh?” I reel back. “No? Why not?”
“Maybe it’d be good to wait. Let me think about how best to break it to them,” Eliza says, bunching her cheeks up in contemplation. “Delilah isn’t calledSuper OldGran for nothing. I don’t want to shock her too much at once.”
Excuse me? Are you saying I might kill Grandma? Don’t say that! That’s horrible! I couldn’t deal with that. Super Old Gran is so fun! My stomach sinks. I think I’m going to be sick.
“Super Old Gran?” I frown.
“It’s good. I’ll figure it out,” she assures me with a laugh. “I got you.”
“I…I don’t want to lose them though.” I frown and look away. It’s not really something I can control, but it’s true. “All of you. I’ve never had a family like this.”
Eliza’s thoughtful expression morphs into a mother’s warm grin. She sighs and squeezes my shoulder. “I see. I can’t speakfor them, but I always get good energy from you. Our faults don’t have to define us, Kenzie, and even if some things take time, it doesn’t mean they can’t work out. Just give me some time.”
“Thank you!” I breathe. Does part of me feel wrong for letting her take it on? Yes, yes it does. Does part of me adore her for doing this? Also yes.
Am I the problem? Definitely.
* * *
To say dinner is awkward may be the understatement of my short life. I refuse to look at Eliza. Thank the gods for her, but the sight of her reminds me I’m on the edge of the cliff.
“Did you see the Mountaineers lost to Avery last night?” Jeffrey asks.
The Mountaineers are Hayden and Zachary’s school. I’ve been to a few games to watch Hayden play. Okay, more than a few.
“Yeah,” Mr. Marcus sighs. “Forty-eight to fifty-two.”
“Beau said it was a tense one.” Jeffrey droops his shoulders.
They’ve been going on about their favorite college basketball teams. Jeffrey’s a Carolina fan. I bet he’s got a blue Heels sticker on the back of his truck. Randall seems to root for the Trojans—I don’t have a clue what school that is. And now, we’ve veered into high school basketball.
“If they’d had Hayden they might have made it. They haven’t done as well since.” Jeffrey slumps back.
“It won’t be long,” Mary-Anne says, but I can tell she’s fighting back some deeper emotions with the way she twitches. They’re the words of someone wishing out loud, like maybe if they say it, it’ll come true. “He’ll be back soon.”
