Page 23 of How (Not) to Conjure a Boyfriend
“I-I, uh…” And now I’m stuttering, dammit. Yes, I came to talk to him, but I don’t want to now. It was a lame idea. “Yeah.”
I can stick around and say a few random things to him. Maybe tell him how icky the weather is, or that Tae Hyun is putting out a new record in like a week. I’m so excited…but I’m betting Hayden doesn’t even know who that is. Probably couldn’t give a shit. He may not be as nice as I think he is either. He is a jock, right? He'd probably hate that I brought up K-pop music and laugh me out of the room.
Why did I obsess over him? Oh wait. I steal a look at him and immediately remember. Oh. Yeah.
“Good. It’s nice for them.” Dr. Kline angles her head but keeps eye contact. “He might not react, and he might not remember—he most likely won’t—but it still is good for him.”
She can see the confusion in my face, it’s clear. So he can or can’t remember what I say?
Dr. Kline smiles. “It’s not like he’s actively listening, but hearing someone talk to him keeps his brain alert. He can still hear. And we think it’s even more helpful for him to hear stories he’s familiar with from his past, from family. Think of the brain as a powerful circuit board. When he hears those stories, it exercises some circuits in the brain that can help bring him out of the coma.”
That’s cool, but I don’t know any of those stories. And I’m not sure he’d even know my voice, to be honest. He’s heard it every time I’ve taken his order, but that can’t come close to hearing his family. Plus, I bet my perspective of his trips to the coffee shop are much different than his.
“Oh,” is all I manage.
“I’ll leave you with him,” Dr. Kline says, and walks out.
I take another breath and blow it out.It’s just you and me again, Hayden.I throw my eyes up to the ceiling and drag them back down. He shouldn’t remember anything I say, and it’d be good for him, right? Maybe me too. Get it off my chest.
“Fine,” I say out loud before locking my eyes on his closed eyelids. “Hey, Hayden. It’s me. Kenzie. You probably know me asthe coffee shop person, or maybethat barista.”
I stop.That barista? Ugh.
“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I just wanted to come check on you. See how you’re doing. Since it’s probably my fault and all that you’re here,” I say. I’d be more than content to leave it there and be gone, but I don’t. I put my hand on the plastic guardrail along his bed. “What I really needed to say—and please, for the love of all the gods, don’t remember this—is that, well…uh…you see. I’m not your enbyfriend.”
Immediately I roll my eyes. Really? Of course he doesn’t think I’m his enbyfriend. What a stupid thing to say. He probably doesn’t even know I’m non-binary. He probably thinks I’m just some dude who wears dresses sometimes. Hell, he probably doesn’t even know what enbyfriend means. Yet, that’s what I confess to him.
“Okay,” I grunt, and psych myself up. “Let’s try this again. You see, Hayden, I might have, well, actually Regina—you know, the nurse—mighthave assumed I was your enbyfriend. Okay,that’s not entirely accurate either. I told her that.” I huff. “And I also sort of cast a spell.”
I check his eyelids. No signs of movement. I’m still not one hundred percent convinced it was the spell that did this. I did everything right, I think, but it did happen literally the next day.
“So yeah, I’m not. Obviously.” I laugh and glance away, my eyes trailing down to the blue and white sheets over his chest. “Most of your family was there when it happened. So they might sort of…well, they alldothink I’m your enbyfriend.”
I laugh as if a sleeping guy is going to chuckle back at my little dilemma. If he did, I’d be out of here so fast.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I swear.” I throw my hands up, palms out and fingers splayed to make it clear, you know, like he can see it. “But…” I grimace and let out a defeated breath. “I just didn’t say no.”
That’s it. Ididn’tdo what I should have. It’s that simple. But the real problem is that Ikeepnot doing what I should.
“Gods. Hayden, I’m going to need you not to wake up until I figure this junk out,” I blurt, and my eyes go wide. “Oh no. I didn’t mean that. That’s so bad. No. No! I want you to wake up. I do! You’re honestly amazing and gorgeous, and you deserve to be here. Not likeherehere, in the hospital, but awake, you know? Yeah, awake. You have such an awesome family.”
I need to stop talking, but I don’t. I do slow down though.
“Your family is pretty great. Your mom is beautiful,” I say. I’ve finally pinned down who she reminds me of. Sally inPractical Magic, Sandra Bullock. “Your dad sort of scares me. Not a lot, just a little. And your sister—Holly, right?—is adorable. Your aunt is a witch like me. Did you know that? Of course you did.” What an inept question. “And Gramps is great. Super Old Gran, Kiki. I’m jealous, actually.”
I stop. What am I doing? This is pointless. I need to get out of here. My hand grips my necklace and I say a quick chant under my breath.
“Everything is going to be okay. I have no reason to worry.” I breathe out. “I am at peace.”
I grind my heels into the ground and twist around, and suddenly I’mnotat peace.
“Ah!” My fingers clasp my mouth to hold back the rest of the scream. “Eliza!”
“Oh,” Eliza squawks.
“Sorry! I didn’t mean—”
“No, no. It’s okay. It’s my fault. I didn’t intend to scare you like that.” She covers her chest and breathes in dramatically. “I didn’t know you were going to be here.”
