Page 56 of How (Not) to Conjure a Boyfriend
“Cool,” I repeat. This is so awkward. Here we are,coolingit away. Just the two of us. “I gotta go.”
“Yeah, no, it’s late,” Zachary says a little too quickly.
I delay. Him leaning in to kiss me in the dark plays in slow motion behind my eyes. He’s so close I can feel his heat, then my eyes close and it happens. I know that’s what’s going through his head right now, it has to be, but I’m not going to be the one who bringsitback up. I can’t. I won’t. I can’t decide whether I’d rather let it disappear into a faint bygone memory or if selfishly I want to keep it untainted in my head.
“Bye,” I say, hoping he’ll tell me to stop and reel me around in his arms to kiss me again. But no! I can’t let him, and he doesn’t.
“Bye,” he says.
I swallow the knot of nothingness in my throat and shove the door open. The gurgling and rat-a-tat of the downpour rushesinside with a gust of wind as I slide out and my feet plop onto the wet rocks. Before I can second-guess myself, I take off into the freezing pellets. They smack my face, melting on impact and pouring over my shoulders as I rush across the yard and up the front porch steps.
At the landing I stop under the small overhang and look back. His headlights are shining harshly, seeming to wobble under the falling sleet. I can barely see his truck until a brilliant streak of lightning illuminates everything. I duck as thunder claps over the mountains and Zachary’s truck starts to back up. I swear I can feel him moving farther away from me, like a piece of me is rolling away. And why? Because I gave in to whatever it was brewing inside my chest back there, and I kissed him.
What have I done?
15
What type of school takes that many kids on a trip with only one chaperone? Maybe they should have thought about that first.
That’s what I want to type, but I don’t think that Mr. Nelson would give me good marks for it. I’m only on page two. I keep checking the bottom of the screen, hoping the number will magically tick up a few so I can ditch my desk for my bed and that new Japanese BL drama I started last week. It’s been so cute. The more I think about how absolutely clueless the main character is about Taichi being into him, the longer this five-page paper feels. Also, five pages is so freaking much to write about kids getting dumped on an island and deciding the best option is to start hunting each other down. So naturally, I text Kaity about it.
MACKENZIE: WTF is up with this title? Lord of the Flies?!?!
I get that the story is supposed to be about how easily society, left to its own devices and without order and structure, can devolve into savagery—it’s what a review on Goodreads said anyway—but I’m still struggling to figure out the title. I swear it has nothing to do with this book.
KAITLYNN: Something weird.
She had to read it too, and so far we agree on one thing easily. It was boring. Old. Musty maybe. Seriously, how often do a bunch of teens get stuck on a deserted island nowadays? Is this even relevant?
MACKENZIE: Obvi, but… What?
The little bubbles move at the bottom of my screen while Siyun and Kyrell serenade me through my AirPods. I think I’ve added three sentences today, and this paper is due on Friday.ThisFriday! How am I supposed to analyze the literary significance of this? Like it’s significant, I guess. That’s what my teachers say, but why couldn’t it have been, like…you know, a book writtenafter2000.
My phone dings and lights up withZachin bold letters. He’s been texting like last night never happened, and I’ve been more than willing to oblige in that delusion. Even if I have thought about it a thousand times.
ZACHARY: Arty just ran into the wall. He really wants the laser.
I’m jealous. I want my own familiar. While I type a reply another message pops up.
ZACHARY: And again.
Wow.
MACKENZIE: OMG! He needs to chill!
My phone buzzes again. It’s Kaitlynn this time. Why am I even trying to write this now? It’s a Sunday anyway. Aren’t I supposed to be relaxing? I could do it tonight, when I’m not intentionally allowing Zach and Kaitlynn to distract me.
KAITLYNN: Dunno… ::shrug emoji:: Killer flies?
Yeah, no. I don’t think that’s in there. Killer kids, check. But I don’t remember any flies killing anyone. Zach’s name flashes on the screen again, and the urge to tell Kaitlynn everything about last night spills into my gut. We don’t keep anything from each other, even gross stuff we both wish we hadn’t heard. So why change that now that it’s about a guy?
Shit.Just tell her.I start to type, but stop. Maybe I shouldn’t. She’s just going to nag me about it, and for what? It’s nothing. It has to be nothing. I can’t like him.
I throw my phone onto the desk. It thwacks against the old wooden surface, and without delay I’m scooping it back up and checking the screen. Please don’t have cracked. Please! My lamp light reflects off the glass with not a single defect. I let out a relieved sigh and catch my own reflection. I growl. My eyes have dark circles under them.
I bring my phone to life and open my thread with Kaity.
MACKENZIE: Zach kissed me at the Harrel House…
