Page 53 of This I Promise You
“Be very selfish,” he smiles at me. “Babe.”
After we make our sandwiches, eat, drink, joke, and laugh with each other over the course of the next hour, I clean up and help us get in the perfect cuddling position with my back against the cabin of the pickup truck and him between my legs. Pillows prop us up and blankets wrap around us. I turned off the fairy lights so we can see the stars. It is perfectly clear out tonight, and a little nippy.
Now, right here in this moment, I feel an immense amount of peace.
“Belle?” I ask while I lace my fingers through his.
“Yeah, Acre?” he responds but starts acting like he ate a bug. “You know you have a weird last name, right? I’m never calling you that again.”
“What? You think it’s weird? I like it. It’s fun and unique. Never met anyone outside of my own family who has it.” I’ve always liked it, but it is kinda strange. “Um. So anyway. I have a question. And feel free to not respond immediately, like, take your time. I don’t need an answer right away, okay?”
“Uh…okay.” He pauses, but I can feel his body stiffen. “What is it?”
“Will you…um…shit, I’m so nervous. Um…will you do me the honor of…being my boyfriend?”
He sits up so quickly his head almost knocks into my chin, and he turns and faces me. “What?”
“Will you be my boyfriend?” I ask again, a little more tentatively. Shit. Maybe this is too fast. Maybe this is too soon. Shit!
“Wait, you’re serious?”
“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be serious?” I’m not sure what else to say.
“You wantmeto be your boyfriend?”
“Yes, silly goose.” And then I say, “Please?” like I’m a damn child. I mentally repeatedly facepalm.
“YES! Of course I will!” he yells, then falls forward and takes my face in his hands and kisses me with a ferocity I can’t help but match.
I scoot down so we’re lying flat with him on top of me. This is the first time we’ve truly been this alone and intimate with each other since my last panic attack. I’ve worked on myself mentally and physically to get ready for the moment this happened again, and I want it.
His hands rest on my chest tentatively, waiting. I feel them twitch, wanting to move, to explore, but he remains where he is until I give him permission. It’s so touching that I deepen our kiss and move my hands down to grab his ass. I can feel his dick harden, so I grab his ass again and press him tighter into me. He moans in my mouth but doesn’t break contact.
He breaks away and breathes heavy into my ear. “Paul, you sure this is okay?”
I turn my head into him and bite his neck lightly. I’m rewarded with another moan in my ear. “I’m sure.”
“I want you,” he says, and that’s all I need.
I move my right arm across his back for support and flip him over so he’s on his back. I brace my hands on either side of his head and look down at him.
“I…I brought condoms. And lube.”
His jaw drops. “You did? You planned this?”
“I wasn’t sure. But I wanted to be prepared just in case. I've been fussing over the details for days.”
“Aw, Paul.”
Suddenly I’m self-conscious. “I don’t want to presume, but just so you know, I’m a top. Only.”
“Good.” He smiles, wrapping his hands around my back. “Because I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bottom. Only.”
I smile and kiss him lightly. “I’m nervous. I haven’t slept with anyone in—”
“It’s okay. I’m nervous, too,” he says as he reaches up behind my neck and guides my mouth to his again.
I lay most of my weight on top of him and grind into him. He moans again, and holy shit it might be the best sound I’ve ever heard.
