Page 51 of This I Promise You
“That’s the entire fucking south for you, sweet cheeks. You just have to find your tribe, your people. And it just depends on what part of North Carolina. It’s more progressive than you think. But the queer community can be just as fucking toxic as anyone else, especially out here, but there’s still good out there. Huxley is a good start, my dude. Keep that chick around.” He’s sweeping and talking while not looking at me. My back is toward him and I smile.
I’m so glad I found Huxley. Or she found me, really. “Yeah, she’s pretty great.”
“Good.” He sets his broom against the bar and goes into the back. He comes back out with a huge crate of clean glassware. “Now, while you’re daydreaming about getting your dick wet, polish these glasses.”
“Uh, sure. Yeah.”
Damn. I mean it’s not like Ihaven’tthought about “getting my dick wet” as Jeremy so eloquently put it, because, like, I have. Though in my mind it’s much more romantic. I just…sex usually is the farthest thing from my mind. I’ve trained it out of my head and so it’s not what I think about…mostly. I just like being around Easton. And with Easton, sex seems much more…tangible? Like I’ll actually be able to enjoy it again and it’ll finallymeansomething. And I want to, I really want to.
I feel something special for him. The more time we spend together the stronger it gets. Our date was kinda perfect. He’s always watching me, but I don’t think he knows that I see him. But I notice everything about him when he’s around. My senses are hyperaware of his touch, his smell, the entire universe in his eyes. It’s a craving I can never satisfy. Sometimes I get the urge to bite him randomly, to mark him as my own.
Not like that, more like…making it official? I don’t really care about labels, I guess, but maybe he does and he’s waiting for me to make a move.
He’s not shy with me. On the contrary, I feel like he’s his most authentic self when he’s with me. I see him out in public and I see him when we’re alone and it’s not the same. With me his attitude is calmer and his demeanor is more relaxed; there’s an edge to him that softens when he looks into my eyes, and when we’re close he rubs on me like we’re magnetic. I don’t think he notices he does that either, but I do. When we kiss he melts and when I touch him he hums. Oh my holy hell. He’s a cat. I’m dating a cat.
Are we dating though? Damn it all to hell, I don’t know what I’m doing here. I should plan something. I’m going to plan something.
Easton
Don’t Panic
I came out of Dr. Vale’s Citizenship lecture this morning with a raging headache. It started slow, just a tiny tingle, and then it bloomed in the last ten minutes of class. Now I’m trying to blink away the pain behind my eyes in my Poli Sci Methods lecture, but it’s not helping.
If this gets much worse I’m going home and making the rest of the day one big nap. A nice nap never hurt anyone, right?
“You good?” Oliver leans over, his bright red hair inflaming my vision.
“Just a headache,” I whisper and nod. Dr. Adams is very particular about being interrupted during class.
Oliver doesn’t question it. You’d think in a class full of political science majors it’d be a bunch of nerds, like some IT class, but nah. It’s literally like someone took a random sampling of the entire United States and dropped them in the same classroom and said,study yourselves.
Not only do we have the usual cliques, the talkative popular ones, talkative annoying ones, quiet nerds that everyone knows would destroy them with information if they were willing to open their mouths, the ambiverts, the Guccis and Walmarts, we also have the leftists and liberals—I’m somewhere in there—the middle of the roaders, the “original intent” people who wouldn’t know the Constitution if it bit them in their ass, the conservatives, and then the scary ones, the far-righters. The issue and philosophy classes can get really interesting, we’ve all got strong opinions.
I try to pay attention to the professor droning on about the reliability of poll data and causation versus correlation. Normally I’d be all into this. Digging into data to understand how people are thinking, how the public views an issue to understand how to phrase a message or policy, but not today. Right now, I just want this damn headache to bite the dust. I’d rather be thinking about Paul, how excited he was when we hit theSchitt’s Creekround and the answers flowed like they were asking questions about him. Instead I’m focusing on the pressure in my head, and…
I blink. Wait. The edges of my vision begin to blur. I shake my head. Hold up. No. Not this. I take a deep breath and close my eyes.
It’s just in your head. That’s it. That’s all it is.I loosen my eyelids and the world comes into view under a light haze. No. No. No. I blink furiously. Please no. I clench my fists and keep blinking, willing the blurriness to go away. But it doesn’t. It stays, and it’s getting worse.
What should I do? This is how it started. This is how I found out I had MS, and it scares the hell out of me every time it happens. My heart beats hard, and I grip my desk. I can’t call Dad, he’s four hours away. So is Sam. Paul? No! He’s not going to find out like this. Uh… Aidan. I pick up my phone and squint at the screen, making out enough to find our text thread. Thank God for pinned messages.
EASTON: Don’t panic, but can you take me to the doctor? Like now!
He’s in class too, but I know he’ll answer. Sure enough something moves at the bottom of the screen, I guess it’s the little bubbles, and a message pops up.
AIDAN: Where U at?
EASTON: Fretwell. Vision’s blurring.
AIDAN: Oh! OMW! Meet you on the first floor?
EASTON: K.
* * *
“You scared me, bitch!” Aidan nudges me on our way out of my doctor’s office a few blocks off campus.
That was one of the first things I did when I got accepted at Charlotte. I found a local doctor to be my primary physician in the area for shit like this. I’ve only had to go a few times since freshman year, but it’s helped. When I’m panicking the last thing I want is to have to explain everything, my entire medical history to a new doctor in the Emergency Department.
