Page 38 of This I Promise You
I let my lungs fill,hold for five seconds, then exhale.
And then four…
And three…
Two…
One.
My heart rate slows as my breathing evens out. I close my eyes and give in to fatigue while I rest my face against the knees that I’m holding tight to my chest for dear life.
Easton
Dogs > Humans
Dogs are so much simpler than humans. They either like you or don’t like you, and hell, nine times out of ten even if they don’t like you at first, it doesn’t take long for them to warm up. People on the other hand. Shit. They’re so hard to understand.
“So he’s an ass or he’s not an ass?” Melanie asks. She’s my boss at the pet kennel. She’s lathering up Ivy, one of our repeat clients, a beautiful black and gray Cocker Spaniel.
“He is, but at the same time, there’s something…” I struggle for the word. I don’t want to say he’s sweet, because that might be a stretch. Maybe he is, but it’s too soon to say that.
“Less assish?” Melanie makes up her own word in her trademark high-pitched voice.
“Yeah!” I nod quickly. “That. Sometimes he’s less assish.”
“You know I pulled that right out of thin air, right? That’s not a word.” She shakes her head. “And you’re in college.”
“You’re the one who said it.” I hold Ivy still while Melanie rinses the soap out of her thick coat. “But yeah. It’s hard to explain. Like I swore he was just an egotistical douche, but I think maybe he’s a little more.”
Melanie huffs. She’s been a party to these conversations a few times since the semester started and I had my first encounter with the enigma known as Paul. She sided with Aidan early on, but now she doesn’t seem to be as anti-Paul anymore, even if Aidan still is, especially after last night.
“Aren’t most people?”
“Huh? Aren’t most people what?” I ask. I think I zoned out for a second, but a splash of water brings me back when Ivy shakes her head. I give her a little pat.
“A little more. Like aren’t most people more than just one thing? That’s sort of the whole human thing. We’re complex.” She gives me wide eyes, sounding like one of my philosophy professors, or hell, sort of like Paul when he went into that spiel about words.
I’ve thought about that a bit too. He was right. We don’t think about it because they’re so normal to us, it’s the everyday, it’s expected. But that doesn’t change their importance. Of course, I can’t put it as eloquently as he did but, yeah, he was right.
“I guess so. I’m pretty simple I think, but maybe,” I say.
“You? Simple?” Melanie scoffs and I let it roll off my back with a grin.
We let Ivy go after a quick blow dry and follow her outside to the fenced-in play area. The sound of cars buzzes over the fence and the wind whips at my exposed cheeks. I pull my green hoodie tighter around my chest and glance around at the dogs. Tall and short, loud and quiet. Mostly loud, especially Milo.
As I've been doing all morning, my mind throws me back to last night. The sweetness of his lips, the scent of leather and sage the closer I got, especially when I kissed his neck. My body felt so right against him. And then how he jumped and ran and kept running as I yelled his name. I stood in the parking lot and watched his tail lights dim to nothing around the corner.
The crazy part is that I don’t think it was all just the alcohol. I felt something burning in my chest all evening. Something that made me nervous in a way other guys don’t do to me. A feeling that burrowed deeper and tugged my chest downward when his car disappeared, and every time I texted to ask what happened and he didn’t respond. He still hasn’t. Unworthy is the word that keeps flashing in my mind.Unworthy.
“So are you two dating?” Melanie leans around to get my attention.
“Huh? Dating?” I straighten. “Definitely not.”
“So why you so worked up about him not texting back?” she asks as we sit down at a table outside. I told her about that when I got to work an hour ago after classes. I might have triple texted him this morning.
“I don’t know. I mean he came to my room, and then…gone.” I wave my hand in the air.
Melanie chuckles and I join her. It’s silly. It really is. It wasn’t a week ago I couldn’t stand the thought of Paul beyond his beautiful physique, and now? Now I’m fretting over something that never was.
