Page 72 of Fighting for Valor
“No.” She covers my hand with hers, and the look in her eyes, fuck. I want to see that look every day for the rest of my life. But there are so many secrets between us, and all her pain…it’s my fault. “I don’t like how they make me feel. And I’ll sleep all day if I take it.”
“What can I do?” Anything she asks, I’ll give her. Even if she begs me to take her home and never see her again.
“Talk to me.”
Charlie hops off the bed and pads to the door. That dog is a mind-reader, and as soon as I can get to a grocery store, he’s getting anything he wants. For the rest of his life. “I have to take him out. But I’ll bring you back a latte. Then, I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
Twenty minutes later, I code myself back into the apartment to find Cara sitting up in my bed, a half-empty bottle of water and her pill case on the side table. She’s staring at her little notebook, her eyes wide.
“Hemp milk latte with vanilla?” I say as I hold out the cup along with a white paper bag. “And an apricot scone.”
“You did all this?” she asks. Tipping the notebook, she shows me the page she’s reading.
Transaction after transaction, account numbers, amounts, locations, and my recollections of what Faruk was buying or selling for every single line. Evidence of all the terrible acts I committed for the man who nearly destroyed me.
I can’t manage another sip of my own cold brew, so I set it on the breakfast bar and head for the windows. I need to see the sun. “Yes. All of it. And more. Over six years, I probably moved three billion total. And every single transaction added more blood to my hands.”
“Ripper.” Cara hisses out a breath and I turn to find her standing. Her steps are uneven, and I start to tell her to get back into bed, but she levels me with a single arched brow. “That’s not what I was asking. Or why.” When she reaches me, she winds her arms around my waist, and I stiffen until she rests her head against my chest. “You did all of that, dug up all of those memories, to keep me alive.”
“I would have done anything to keep you alive.”
“What happens now?” she asks.
“Now…we have a decision to make.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Cara
Ripper has to help me with almost everything. Washing my hair. Fastening my bra. And he never leaves my side, not even when I tell him I can put my socks on by myself.
I know why. He’s terrified after we meet with Trevor and the JSOC commander, he’ll never see me again. So am I. But he’s going, and I’m not letting him do this alone.
Ryker and Dax are sitting in my living room waiting for us because I wasn’t going anywhere without my own clothes—and underwear.
None of my injuries are serious. In a day or two, I’ll be back to normal. But I’m bruised from head to toe, and my heartbeat is still a little out of sorts. Standing up is risky. When we got out of Ryker’s truck, my blood pressure took a nose dive and so did I. Right into Ripper’s arms.
My brain? That’s another matter. Being without my ADHD meds for a full day while trapped in the world’s worst anxiety attack? It’s like I’m operating at half-speed.
“Cara?” Ripper’s hand rests on my calf, and he peers up at me from where he’s kneeling on the floor next to my bed. “What shoes, sunshine?”
“Crap. You’ve asked me that twice already. The red ones.”
He returns to my side, and I ease the Keds from his hands. “I can put on my own shoes, Ripper. But, I need to ask you again. Are you sure about this?”
“No. But I have to go. Otherwise, Dax and Ry? They’ll never be safe. JSOC knows they got me out. If they don’t know Ry killed Faruk, they’ll figure it out soon enough. That was so fucking illegal, there’s no coming back from it.”
“You’re going to trade your life for theirs.” I can hardly form the words as the anxiety and panic sit like a hard ball on my chest. Throwing my arms around him, I hold on for all I’m worth, and he doesn’t flinch, just gathers me close and buries his face in my hair. “Don’t do this. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I’m falling in love with you, Cara,” he whispers in my ear. I try to pull back, but he tightens his hold. “Shhh. Let me get this out. I didn’t think anyone could accept me again. Not after everything that happened. But you—you treated me like I was normal. Homeless, but normal. All the darkness in me…it’s like you didn’t even see it. Only the good.”
I slide my fingers through his hair, then ease myself back so I can see his eyes. His right cheek is swollen and bruised, and I keep my touch feather light as I trace his jaw.
“I saw the darkness, Ripper. All of it.” Taking his hand, I rest my fingers over the thick scars at his wrist. “You’ll always carry it with you. It’s a part of you. But not the only part of you. Your darkness doesn’t make you unlovable.”
His eyes shine, and his lips twitch like he’s trying to find the right words. There’s so much emotion churning in his gaze, it’s almost overwhelming.
“I’ve never believed in asking someone to change for me,” I rush to continue. “You’re perfect the way you are, Ripper. Jackson. Rick Mercury. I don’t care what your name is. Or how much darkness you’re carrying around inside.” Resting my palm over his heart, I lean in and press my lips to his. “This man right here was willing to do anything to save me. This is the man I’m falling in love with. Darkness and all.”
