Page 90 of Before We Collide
“No, please, I—I need to get this out,” I tell her, forcing myself to go on. “I’ve not been fair to you this past week”—this past year—“and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for being so angry that I blamed you for something that wasn’t your fault—or my fault, or Chase’s fault.” I nod an acknowledgement at him, as well. “Eve’s death didn’t just happen to me; it was a terrible thing that happened to all of us.” And if the last few days have taught me anything, it’s how easy it is to put everyone you care about at risk with a single choice. “So I guess what I’m trying to say is: we’re even, okay? I don’t want to be angry at you anymore, and if the two of you are planning to go back to Isitar, then I think that maybe I’d like to join.” The words aren’t as hard to say as I expected—they actually come as more of a relief.
“We’d like that, Ez.” Cemmy seems equally relieved to hear them, and happy—though that doesn’t stop her arms from crossing or her eyes from narrowing to a playful glare. “But only on one condition.”
Oh good, we’re already back at conditions.“Which is . . . ?”
“You have to be the one to tell Novi about the Shade.”
CHAPTER 38
RAYA
I’m going to miss Sarotuza. I’m going to miss the Academy; I’m going to miss the house; hells, I’m even going to miss my parents.
My life. I’m going to miss my life.
Or perhaps I’m just afraid of the absolute way in which it’s about to change.
For the past nineteen years, all I’ve cared about is becoming a seer, proving that I was as good as the Indigos who came before me, and worthy of the Wryvern name. But now, that future is firmly off the table. I’m condemned, a blood-traitor, every bit as illegal as the three Hues I’m currently following through the Gray. And Gods, I don’t even know if my magic still works; I’ve been too afraid to reach for it since I put an end to Adriel, too afraid to find out if the fates are done with me forever. Because while I could see myself wanting that one day—being free of the burden of having to predict—I’m not ready to lose my ability to cast yet. I want to be able to use my power. I want to protect my friends with it, and make my mother proud with it, and learn how to wield it in my own way. I want to show the Council that being fate-touched is a decision not every Indigo comes to regret.
“I’m sorry for how things turned out, Raya.” Ezzo reaches for my hand as we leave the city proper, slowing us out of earshot of the others.
“Well, I’m not,” I say, and it’s true because there was no otherhowfor things to turn. The moment I asked my open question, I knockedmy life into a different orbit, became something the guild was never going to accept. “I don’t belong here anymore.”
“Yeah, but . . . that doesn’t mean you have to tie yourself to a bunch of Hues.” The sincerity in his eyes is soft and solemn. “You don’t have to come to Isitar with us—you, and Saleen, and Akari could do this on your own. And I’d understand, if that’s what you wanted. You don’t owe me anything here, you don’t have to choose the hardest version of this life for me.”
“Then it’s a good job I’m choosing it forme,” I say, pulling him to a gentle stop. “And before you ask: no, I’m not doing it because a vision told me to. I’m doing it because I like you, Ezzo.” There’s something I never thought I’d say to a Hue. “I like who I am with you.” A bolder Shade, braver, more compassionate and self-assured. “So, if you’re not too freaked out by this whole . . . ‘she’s a full-blood’ thing, then I’d really like to see where this goes.”
And I’m perfectly aware that it won’t be easy, that one stolen kiss in a room full of trackers doesn’t guarantee a love story. But for now, I’m choosing to follow the pull in my gut, and the butterflies in my stomach, and the warmth I feel when Ezzo smiles and the hesitation in him dims. And hells, maybe our part in fate’s tapestry is now complete, maybe the only thing we have to look forward to is an ordinary life, and a mundane death, and a fling that dissipates at the first gust of a strong wind. All I know for sure is that here, today, this feels like the right path for me.Hefeels like the right path for me—and I think the future just happens to concur. Because when I ask it when I’ll kiss Ezzo again, it answers.
