Page 48 of Take My Kiss
Looking down, I’m mortified to see he’s right. “There’s a chill in the air. Thin material.”
He nods, casually scratching over his week-old facial hair on his cheek. “Mhm. So…you’re not thinkin’ about our night together that you refuse to admit happened?”
“I’m not thinkin’ about or refusin’ to admit anythin’. I-I told you. My memory of that night is foggy. Almost nonexistent.”
“Is that right? Because I remember every second of that night.”
When he takes another step, I back up against the counter and use my mug as a barrier to keep him from getting any closer. One more inch and he’s gonna get a lap of steaming water and burnt balls.
“The way you tasted when I slid my tongue in your pussy. The scent of your arousal when you came all over my lips.” His muscular arms cage me in, and I lose the ability to breathe. “The way you squeezed my cock when I was inside you.” His piercing blue eyes fixate on mine as if he can see right through my soul. “And how your voice sounded when you moaned my name. It repeats on a loop like a soundtrack in my head, and I dunno if it’s a blessin’ or a curse that I can’t get it out.”
I involuntarily gulp when he says that last part, but everything he said before that sends shivers down my spine and goosebumps across my arms. He knows I know exactly what happened between us that night, or he wouldn’t be so confident as to call me out in the most seductive way possible.
“I was tryin’ to spare your feelings,” I finally get the courage to say.
He backs up, standing to his full height. “What?”
“That’s why I acted as if I didn’t remember meetin’ you. I didn’t want things to be awkward.”
“Awkward how?”
“By explainin’ why I never reached out or wanted to discuss it. I had fun that night, but I don’t see you as anythin’ more than a one-time hookup. It’s not you, it’s me.”
Even I don’t believe the words that come out of my own mouth, but it’s better to shut this down now before it crosses a line we can’t undo.
“Did you just…” He huffs a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “So you admit we slept together and that you pretended not to remember it to my face, but now you’re givin’ me the most cliché excuse of a reason when in reality that usually means itisme.”
“No, I’m being genuine. There’s nothin’ wrong with you. My focus is on my kids, and I can’t afford to get distracted right now when our lives are in danger.”
He crosses his arms, blocking my view of his sexy as hell chest. “Did you tell anyone about us?”
“I told Raven since she was the one watchin’ my kids that night, but I recently found out she told Delilah, and I’m guessin’ Wilder does now too.”
He gives a tight nod.
“Did you?” I ask.
“No, but considerin’ Posey’s the one who took you home the next mornin’, she knew right away. And since she’s a blabbermouth, I’m sure she told Bellamy, who probably told all of Willow Branch Mountain. But from me, no, I didn’t tell anyone. Not a fan of sharin’ my personal business, especially when the woman leaves before I’m awake.”
I wince at the sadness in his voice. “I’m sorry ’bout that. I didn’t wanna leave Raven with my kids too long since Bailey was so young. And admittedly, I was freakin’ out a little.”
“Because of what we did or who you did it with?”
“Neither…just that it happened. I hadn’t been with someone in a long time, and I wasn’t lookin’ to complicate my life after finally gettin’ some stability. We live two hours apart, you’re Wilder’s cousin, and I didn’t wanna get between y’all either. I can’t do a long-distance relationship. My kids come first anddrivin’ back and forth or even sharin’ what little time I have after work ain’t somethin’ I was willin’ to give up.” I exhale in relief at finally getting the words out. “I’m sorry for not tellin’ you right away or sooner at least, but I didn’t wanna hurt you because you’re honestly the most perfect man I’ve ever met. Seriously, how’re you still single?”
“I’m not perfect by any means. I have flaws like everyone else, you just haven’t noticed them yet.” His crooked smile meets his eyes. “But did you ever consider I’d be the one to drive down to visit you? And you wouldn’t have to give up time with your kids ’cause I’d wanna spend time with them, too. I thought we shared somethin’ special that night and truly wanted to get to know you better. All I hoped for was a chance, but I understand. Your kids should always come first.”
His words are a punch to my gut because he’s the only guy who’s ever been interested in me that isn’t a walking red flag. But how do I let go of this anxiety that what I’ve been through previously will inevitably happen again?
I set my mug down so I don’t accidentally spill it on myself or him. “I’m sorry I didn’t allow us to explore more between us, but believe me when I say, it’s for the best. I’m not good at relationships. Never have been. I have insane trust issues. I always pick the wrong guy and then am devastated when I realize they’re either abusive, cheaters, liars, or all three. The only positive that came out of them is havin’ Sam and Lily. And they deserve a mom who can give them all her attention after years of strugglin’ to make ends meet.”
His eyes soften with pity, which I hate. It’s the last thing I want from him.
“Your parents abandoned you when you needed ’em the most, so I don’t blame you for havin’ those kinda issues. But if you never let anyone else in, you’re givin’ in to what they did to you. They hold the power instead of you takin’ control of yourlife and livin’ it how you want. I’m not sayin’ that ’cause I want you to change your mind ’bout me, but rather, ’bout yourself. You deserve happiness too, and you can still have that while being a good mother.”
Deep down, I know his words are sincere, but it doesn’t take away my fear.
“Maybe you’re right, and I’m being overly cautious, but I’d rather be alone than worry ’bout my heart or theirs. They’re already gettin’ confused about who you are to them, so imagine if we dated and then broke up. They’d never get to see you again. It’s why, before you, I hadn’t been with someone since Lily’s dad. They don’t need a revolving door of men comin’ in and out of their lives.”
