Page 138 of Whisper Sweet Nothings
“I see whose side you’re on now,” I said, chuckling.
“I’m on both of your sides.” She smiled and added, “The question is, are you willing to risk being vulnerable again? There are no guarantees in life, Archer. When you were dating Scarlet, you never had the discussion about children, correct?”
“Correct.”
“So when she found out she was pregnant, it forced the discussion. And you realized you both wanted different things. It hurt, but you made your choice, and she made hers.”
“Yes.”
“With Winnie, it sounds like it’s very different,” she said. “You started off being cautious and careful, but there were feelings there. And you took your time and became friends first. And you’ve mentioned that you two talk about everything. What you want out of life. Your hopes and your dreams. All of those things.”
“We do. She’s very honest and genuine. It’s impossible not to talk to her about things most of the time. She sort of makes me talk.” I laughed.
“That’s a good thing. And it helps to build trust, which is why I think you were able to finally put your guard down.”
I nodded. “Trust isn’t the issue.”
“Right. The issue is fear, Archer. You see these things happening for her, and I know it’s a mixed emotion for you. I don’t doubt that you’re thrilled for her and that you’re her biggest cheerleader. You’ve made it clear that you don’t want to pressure her in any way, but my guess is that you’re hurting her in a different way.”
“How?” I asked, clasping my hands together, knowing she was right but hating it at the same time.
“You’ve put your guard back up. You’re retreating into yourself for self-preservation,” she said, her voice softer now. “And I’m sure that’s hurting her. You shared that you’ve been distant with her.”
“I know she’s busy. I don’t want to burden her.”
“Is it a burden when she calls you?” she asked as she studied me.
“No. I look forward to talking to her.”
“So why would it burden her if you called her?”
I rubbed my face. “I don’t know.”
“Let me ask you this,” she said, setting her pen down on the notepad that rested on her lap. “Winnie’s career has alreadytaken off, yet she’s checking in with you constantly, even when she’s exhausted, right?”
“Yes.”
“So why would that end if she continues to have success?”
“I don’t know. Maybe she’ll want to live somewhere else. Start a different life,” I said before clearing my throat.
“Has she talked about wanting to relocate?”
“No.” I shrugged.
“All right, so let’s just recap a few things.” She tilted her head to the side.
“Okay.” I nodded.
“Winnie sort of told you that she loved you when she left.” She put her hands up to stop the rebuttal that she knew would follow that statement. “She said a casual ‘love ya,’ but you and I both know what that meant. She was working up the nerve to say ‘I love you’ and panicked, and you didn’t say it back. Instead you told her not to worry about you guys, and you’ve talked to her while she’s been away, but certainly not as much as you normally speak. She’s shared with Emilia that she’s worried about you, so she’s clearly noticed. Can you imagine from her perspective how this might seem?”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning, it sounds like you’re the one who’s one foot out the door, not her. She shared how she felt, or at least she tried to. She’s put herself out there. She’s telling you that she feels anxious about being away from you, and you continue to tell her it’s going to be fine, instead of admitting that you’re also struggling. You’re the one who hasn’t been honest.”
“I made her father a promise that I would never hold her back,” I reminded her, because we’d already discussed that conversation.
“So not telling her how you feel, not being responsive—that’s your way of making sure that you don’t hold her back? I don’tthink so, Archer. I think you’re holding back because you’re afraid she’ll hurt you. And at some point, you’ve got to take a risk. I guess the million-dollar question is, is she worth the risk?”
