Page 70 of The Game
We had such a wonderful evening together, before I ruined it.
I thought he would be happy—or at least I hoped he would be.
I was hoping this night would end with some fantastic sex, but instead, I’m feeling heavy inside, unsure if I’ve blown every chance with him.
When he voiced what he wanted, I won’t deny how my heart skipped a beat.
He wants more. He wants it all.
But I can’t give him that.
He has the power to ruin me.
His anger surprised me—how passionate he was about this, and how my suggestion seemed like a ridiculous idea to him.
Worst of all, his disappointment when he realized this is the only way I’ll allow myself to have him.
When he left me, without a single touch, I felt devastated.
It feels like we’ve never been further apart.
~
The next day, everything is quiet in the office. Everyone else has travelled to the city of the game, and I’m alone.
Usually, I would appreciate the silence, but now it makes my head spiral back to Alexander and yesterday.
I can’t shake the sinking feeling that I’ve ruined everything.
I want nothing more than to have Samantha here or to call Jessica, but at the same time, I’m not sure I’m ready for their advice.
What if they confirm my suspicion that I’m in the wrong?
I’m simply too afraid to take on a man like him.
Right now, I need to sort through my own thoughts before I hear my friends’ insights.
The day feels slow as I try to focus on work, getting as much done as I can so I can relax over the weekend. I’m traveling back to Tinley Park this evening, and even thoughI look forward to spending time with my dad, this weekend will be difficult for both of us.
You might think that the anniversary of a death would get easier over time, and in some ways it does. The pain never goes away, but I’m okay with that.
I remind myself that even though it hurts, it’s also a way to remember Mom and keep her with me.
After I finish all my tasks for the day and turn off the lights, I head out of the building toward my car.
Dad is waiting for me with one of his signature hugs when I arrive.
It doesn’t matter that we saw each other just a few days ago: he’s always going to give me the best hugs, and on a day like this, I’m feeling extra grateful.
Thankfully, Chicago’s game isn’t until tomorrow, so when it’s time to relax in front of the TV with hockey, I don’t have to look at Alexander in all his glory.
I don’t think I could do that just yet.
Give me a few more hours until tomorrow, and I’ll hopefully find the courage to see his beautiful face.
When the evening winds down, I say good night to my dad as I bring a cup of tea and one of my books with me to my old room.
I check my phone and smile when I see Samantha’s text.
