Page 63 of Inseparable
I hate that you left without saying goodbye, but I understand. Take whatever time you need, but come back. Please come back. I love you. I’ll neverforget.
When it didn’t bounce back undelivered, I started texting him every day. I don’t know if he’s reading them, but every day, the first thing I do when I wake in the morning is reach for my cell, closing my eyes and silently praying he’s replied.
He never does.
But I still send them, hoping that he’s reading them and he knows he’s in my thoughts. Ayden refuses to speak to me about him, and it seems I’m not the only one spiraling into a pit of depression. I wear the locket every day, but I always conceal it under my clothes. I know Ayd wouldn’t appreciate the gesture, so I never mentioned it. The fact I’m wearing Devin’s chain while I’m going out with Ayden doesn’t sit well with me, but I carry the guilt rather than not wear it.
Not sure what that says about me.
Ayden grows more and more dejected by the day, and I can’t remember a time we were ever this distant from one another.
Prom comes and goes, and I leave early, sobbing into my pillow instead of spending the night with Ayden in the hotel room he reserved. I don’t think he was surprised or overly upset when I asked him to take me home instead. All week, I’d been hoping and praying Dev would make an appearance, but he was a no-show.
Tucked up in bed, crying that night, I’d sent him another text. I know he’s trying to get his life back on track, and I don’t want to upset him, so I deliberately shielded the full extent of my heartache.
I missed you tonight. Prom wasn’t the same without you, and I was thinking of you, like I always am. I love you. I’ll neverforget.
My eighteenth birthday arrives, and still there’s no word from him.
I send him a birthday text on the day of his eighteenth, and still nada, zip, zilch. Not a squeak from him. It’s as if he’s disappeared off the face of the planet.
We graduate, and school ends, and the start of a long summer commences. Ayden takes over Devin’s job at the gas station, and I’ve taken on more shifts at the diner. While the college fund that was set up at the time of my parents’ divorce provides adequately for me, I want to save as much money as possible so Mom doesn’t ever feel like she needs to supplement my income.
I’m still sending texts to Devin, although they’re less regular. It’s hard to hold onto hope when I’m getting nothing in return. I pester Cameron weekly for updates, but it’s always the same: he won’t tell me where he is or when he’s planning on coming back, if at all. All he’s said is that Devin is feeling better and the move has been good for him. Once a month, a chauffeur-driven car arrives to collect Cam and Lucas, and they disappear for the weekend. I’ve thought of begging to go with, but, thankfully, I still have some self-respect, and I’ve managed to stop myself from sinking so low.
The weeks go by, and finally we’re into August and the thick of college preparations. We’re leaving in ten days, and I’ve gotten the day off work to spend with Mariah. A letter recently arrived, confirming we’re sharing a dorm room together, so we’re shopping for our impending move. Honestly, it’s the first thing that’s excited me in months.
“Do you think Cody and Ayden would like this for their room?” She holds up a black and gold patterned rug in the colors of the Iowa Hawkeyes. It’s even emblazoned with a gaudy tiger-hawk emblem.
I snatch it out of her hands, putting it back on the shelf. “That’s hideous. They’d hate it.”
She pouts, and I playfully nudge her in the ribs. “Stop that. You know I’m right. You’d only be wasting your money. Besides, they could’ve come with if they wanted.”
She snorts, running her fingers over a pretty pink and purple floral-patterned set of bed covers. “They’re typical boys. Too lazy to bother. No doubt they’ll rope their moms into getting what they need.”
“No doubt.” I dump a couple of items into my basket. “Ayden has shown zero interest in college. I don’t understand it. I can’t wait.”
We pay for our items and drop the bags off in the car before crossing the road to the little coffee place on the corner.
We order muffins and lattes and take a seat in the far corner. “How are things with you and him? You both seemed quiet the other night.” We’d gone for dinner and a movie with Cody and Mariah, and they carried the conversation the entire night.
I chew on the inside of my mouth. “Honestly, I think we were better just as friends. Now, it’s like we’re barely friends who sometimes kiss and very occasionally have sex. He’s so closed off, and he won’t tell me why.” The waitress places plates and mugs on the table, and I wait until she’s left to resume talking. “I think it must be me. That’s he’s uncomfortable in our relationship too.”
She shakes her head. “You can’t jump to conclusions. I’m betting it’s not you. Cody has mentioned Ayden is very distracted these last few months. I’ve wondered if it’s tied up with Devin. You three were so close for years. You’re not the only one to lose a best friend, and I bet you’re not the only one who’s missing him either.”
“He never wants to talk about him.”
She props her chin in her hands. “I think that’s your answer. Things will be better when you get to college. It’s a new environment, and neither of you will be surrounded by things that remind you of him.”
“Except that our plan was always for the three of us to attend UI together.”
“You can’t let him hold you back anymore, Ange. Devin is gone, and it’s looking like he’s not coming back. He’s moved on, and you need to too. I’ve said nothing, because I know how you feel about him, but you’ve kinda moped around all summer, and you’ve got to put it behind you. You have a life to lead. You have a mom who loves you, a boyfriend who loves you, and I love you. I want to see my friend with a big, happy smile on her face again.”
I reach across the table the same time she does, and we clasp hands. “I have been a big Debbie Downer again, haven’t I?”
“Pretty much, so what are you going to do about it?” she challenges.
“College is a fresh start, and I’m going to make the most of it. I am really looking forward to it except”—air whooshes out of my mouth, and a caustic pain lances my heart in two—“I think I’m going to have to break up with Ayden, but I’m terrified I’m going to lose him as a friend. I couldn’t bear that. I couldn’t bear to lose him too.”
