Page 78 of Inseparable
And the fleeing part wins out.
Racing out of Devin’s apartment, I run all the way home, not stopping until I’m safely tucked up in bed, curled into a fetal position, wondering what the hell to do now.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Have you ever wished for something so badly, and then, when your wish has been granted, been absolutely terrified to embrace it? Like, it was okay when it was an abstract desire. When you were free to imagine it panning out the way you wanted it to in your own head, because there was no way in hell it would ever come true. But when it’s right there in front of you for the taking, all your bravado, and all your longing, transforms to anxiety. Because it was imaginary up to this point, and the reality is scary, even if it’s still something you want so badly.
I’m rambling, talking to myself, acting like a crazy person. Gah! I don’t know what I’m saying or what I want. I’m even confusing myself.
Mariah has a late-night study session at the library, and she won’t be home for hours, and I’m going out of my freaking mind. I could use her advice right now. I throw off the covers and pad to the living room, switching on the TV, in the hope it might distract me. When a knock sounds on the door five minutes later, I sit frozen in place, my heart banging against my ribcage in blatant panic. I don’t need to open the door to know it’s Devin.
I’ve been expecting him.
“Ange, it’s me. Open up. Please.”
I’m still rooted to the spot. Terrified to open the door and confront everything I’ve ever wanted.
I’m scared of what I might do.
And equally scared I’m incapable of doing anything.
“Baby, please open up. I need to talk to you.”
Pulling my bravery cap on, I walk over and open the door, standing back to let him step inside.
I close the door, flattening my back to it, staring at the ground. I’m acutely conscious of him standing in front of me, watching, waiting. The silence is charged with the usual electrical spark that always crackles between us.
“On a scale of one to ten, how freaked out are you right now?” he asks in a husky voice.
“About a hundred,” I whisper.
“Look at me. Please.” I drag my gaze up, startled at the anguished look in his eyes. “I didn’t want you to find out like that. It’s why I deliberately didn’t have you over to my place.”
I clear my throat. “Every time you were drawing, you were drawing me?”
He nods slowly. “In case it hasn’t been obvious, I’ve never been able to take my eyes off you.”
“Were you… were you there at prom?”
His face lights up. “I was. God, Ange, you looked so beautiful.”
Tears leak out of my eyes. “I couldn’t enjoy it, because you weren’t there.”
He takes a step closer. “I wanted to go to you. To hold you in my arms and dance with you like I’d always imagined we’d dance at prom, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to show up and butt into your life without warning. Besides, Ayden was your date, and I wouldn’t do that to him. And I had to get back to the facility before dark. They had made special allowances to release me for a few hours so I could see you.”
“Why, Dev? Why hide your feelings from me? Didn’t you know how I felt about you?”
“Did you know how I felt about you?” He takes another step closer.
“No. Never. But it wouldn’t have made sense… you were with all those other girls. You didn’t see me.”
He closes the gap between us, standing in front of me, peering into my eyes. “You are all I’ve ever seen.” He lightly touches my cheek. “Trust me. And I wanted to tell you when we were younger, but I was too much of a pussy. Then stuff turned to crap after Mom left, and I was broken, too broken to drag you into my mess, but I never stopped loving you. Not once. I’ve loved you forever, Ange. It’s always been you. Only you.” He smooths my tears away with the back of his thumb. “And I didn’t realize you felt the same way until it was too late.”
I wind my fingers around his wrist. “You love me? You really loveme?”
“I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you so much it hurts.” He presses his forehead to mine.
My heart almost skyrockets out of my chest. More tears fall, and I can’t stop them. “You don’t know how much I’ve yearned to hear you say those words.”
