Page 21 of Loving Kalvin
Chapter Seven
Lana
I’m shaking like a leaf when I get back to the dorm. Slamming the door shut, I slump to the ground, pressing a hand to my throbbing chest. Tears pour down my cheeks, and I cry out in frustration. It was so hard to tell him those things. Lies piled upon lies. I know I hit my mark. He was hurting. I could see it in his eyes. But it’s for the best. I can’t do this again. There is far too much at stake.
It doesn’t matter that I still love every fucking gorgeous infuriating inch of Kalvin Kennedy—he can’t be mine. And he won’t want to be once he finds out.
“Lana!” Olivia yells, rushing to my side. “What’s wrong? What is it?”
“He moved here for me, Liv. He doesn’t hate me.” A hacking sob erupts from deep inside me. From the very core of my soul. “He said he loves me.”
“What happened exactly?” She sinks to the floor beside me.
“He was waiting for me outside class.”
“How was it?”
“He…he…oh, God, Liv, he looked amazing. He’s all grown up now, and he’s even more gorgeous, and he seemed…different. Hewasdifferent.” I can’t deny that. He exuded it like it was something tangible.
“Do you feel differently about him now?” Her earnest eyes bore into mine.
I shake my head. “No. It was all there. I still love him. I still love him so much.” Sobs burst free of my throat, and I give into it, burying my head in my hands and crying my eyes out. Liv pulls me into her chest, and I sob all over her shirt. When my crying fest dies out, I lift my head up, piercing her with an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry, Liv. For fighting with you. For ignoring you all week. I’m a crappy friend.”
“If you’re a crappy friend, then so am I,” she protests. “I was ignoring you too, and I had no right to judge you or tell you what to do.”
“I’ve thought of nothing else all week,” I admit, sitting upright. “I know I have to tell him. I always knew I would. I just didn’t think I’d have to deal with it so soon.”
“I think it’s the right thing to do.”
“How am I going to explain it?” My eyes close momentarily. “I almost destroyed his life once already.”
She winces. “It’s not the same thing.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. You know I’d never say such a thing, but I made a call last year, and now I’m going to pay the price. I thought there’d be time. When he has his life together, when it wouldn’t derail him, maybe after college…” I sound like a robot, or a trained monkey, repeating words that have been programmed in my mind.
“There’s never a right time to drop a bomb like this.”
“I know.” I’m quietly contemplative as my mind lingers over my conversation with Kal. “I falsely accused him of rape, and he still doesn’t hate me, but he will once he hears this!” I bury my head in my knees. “I’ve screwed everything up, and I’m so scared, Liv. What if he…” I can’t even finish the thought let alone articulate it.
She wets her lips. “Can I ask you something, Lana?”
I pick my head up. “Sure.” I left our last conversation hanging, and I know she must have lots of questions.
“Why did you do it? Why did you accuse him of something he didn’t do?”
I massage my temples as I prepare to tell her the rest of my sordid tale. “The day after he took my virginity, he told me we needed to keep our relationship a secret for a little while longer, just until he found the right time to break the news to his mother. He promised he hadn’t changed his mind and he was committed to me, but it left a sour taste in my mouth. I thought he was lying. That it was just like the kiss all over again, only this time it was worse. I was wracked with self-doubt. Kal had slept with lots of girls. Who was I to think he’d be interested in little, inexperienced ole me? I clearly wasn’t up to the job.”
I’m fighting tears again as old emotions return to taunt me. Liv rubs my shoulders, sensing how deeply traumatic this is to relive. “All I could think was that I was an embarrassment to him. That he didn’t want to be seen out in public with someone like me. I’m beneath him in so many ways—I’ve always known that. I was so upset—at him, at myself. We had the most vicious argument, and I told him to get out and leave me the hell alone.”
I drop my head on her shoulder. “I thought he’d come back. If not to tell me he’d do the right thing, at least to properly explain, but the rest of the week and the weekend passed without a word from him, and I was growing more and more disconsolate. Then Addison showed up.” Fiery pain burns behind my eyes.
“I remember her name from the news reports and that other case that came to trial a couple months back,” Liv supplies.
Addison’s half-sister was sentenced to life in prison at the start of the summer for the murders of two policemen and the attempted murder of Kal’s cousin, Faye. Addison was left paralyzed after her sister shot her when she tried to help Faye escape.
Karma is a bitch.
“Addison was Kyler Kennedy’s ex-girlfriend, and I knew she was a total bitch, but she played me perfectly. She told me Kal had come on to her the night before and that she’d had sex with him. At first, I refused to believe her because I knew how much Kal detested that girl. She had cheated on Kyler with his best friend, and he hadn’t been the same since. Kal despised her, so I thought it was a lie until she showed me the proof.”
