Page 9 of Keeping Kyler
The lady behind the desk must be pushing fifty, at least, but that doesn’t stop her ogling me like I’m her next meal. She’s all skin and bone under a frayed denim mini and tight red tank top which dips into a low V-shape, showing oodles of leathered, wrinkled skin and virtually nonexistent boobs. Jeesus. I almost bring up the contents of my stomach.
“You be needing any of these, darlin’?” she says, shoving a basket with a pile of condoms up under my nose. Her accent is a weird mish-mash of dialects suggesting she’s moved about a lot.
I slip my wallet in the back pocket of my jeans as my lips narrow in distaste. “No thanks.”
“You in need of some company, sugar?” She comes out from behind the counter, resting one bony hand on my chest.
You have got to be fucking kidding me?!I’ve been hit on by some cougars in my time but not by someone old enough to be my granny.
My eyes narrow and my head lowers as I send her one of my special death glares. The type that usually sends everyone running for the hills. Not this broad. She smiles—legit, smiles—and her hand moves higher up my chest. Although I want to touch her skin about as much as I want to touch a piranha, I take her wrist and remove it from my person, taking a couple steps back as I do. “Definitely not. I just want to be left alone.”
“Well, ain’t that a darn shame.” She winks. “Can’t help a gal for trying.”
I’m still shaking my head as I turn the key to my room. It’s pretty much what I expected. Worn furniture and drab furnishings dating back to a bygone era, but it smells fresh and it looks spotlessly clean. Bonus points for that.
The shower works, much to my amazement. I stand under the water until it turns cold and my body resembles a block of ice. When I crawl under the covers, I’m exhausted, but I still can’t fall asleep. Everything Mom said to James is churning around my head, and I still can’t quite believe it. It’s like I’m having an out of body experience. As if everything I heard, everything I feel, isn’t really happening to me. As if I’m trapped in another world with some other version of me.
“When I was in his room, by his cot, singing him to sleep every night when he was a baby, did you feel any guilt?Anyremorse? Did you ever consider telling me?”
I never knew he did that. Thoughts of James singing me to sleep as a baby are doing really weird things to my insides and tears prick my eyes but I swipe them away. I’m not going to cry. Crying is for pussies.
“Kyler is such a natural at motocross. I never even stopped to think about that fact.”
I laugh into the silent, ominous air, slapping an arm over my forehead. Fate sure loves to fuck with me. How Kaden and Keven believed Mom when they questioned her a few weeks ago about this very thing beggars belief. All it would’ve taken was being told their bio dad was a motocross champ, and I would’ve known instantly. I even met the dude once. When I was ten. When all that other shit had just gone down. I was so lost and frightened that day I don’t even remember what he said to me.
Doug Grant.
Motocross Legend.
My biological father.
I wonder if he knew who I was. If that’s why he approached me that day at the Uxbridge track. It was one of the standard annual events, and the owners always lined up a couple of pros to attend, to help draw in the big crowds. He was already past his prime but a living legend in local circles. Ordinarily, I would’ve been freaking out after chatting with him, but I was too scared to be awed.
I turn my face into the pillow, wanting to force those memories aside.
Not now. I can’t deal with this now.
My cell pings at that exact moment, and I snatch it up like it’s oxygen. Another message from Faye.
I LOVE YOU.
My heart soars. I never thought my heart would beat so strongly for a girl. That I had the capacity tofeelso much. She couldn’t know how timely her message is or how much I need to keep hearing those words. To know she understands and supports me even though I left without saying a word. I could live a thousand lifetimes and never be good enough for her.
She deserves better.
Brad is perfect for her. He isn’t messed up in the head like I am, and I know he’d treat her right.
I should let her go.
That’s the right thing to do, but I’m way too selfish to follow through.
I want her for myself, and I need to make myself worthy of her love.
Which is why I need to do this.
I need to confront the past in order to have a future worth sharing. I only hope I’m strong enough to do this. For me. For her.
My hand moves over the flat expanse of my stomach, rubbing back and forth, but the knots in my gut won’t go away. Man, I miss her so much. Not for the first time, I wish she was here. Wish I could wrap myself around her, cocoon us away from the world, and lose myself in her and the way she makes me feel.
