Page 61 of Better Together
“No. It's not him,” I mumbled. The seconds ticked down on the bomb I felt like I was holding. I squeezed my hands so tight my knuckles blanched. I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’ve been seeing Zach and Daniel.”
“You’ve been seeing them what?” My gaze snapped to my brother; shock written all over my face. He seriously couldn't be this oblivious, could he? Of course, he could. He was Chase, the sweet and innocent one.
I took one of his hands in both of mine. “I mean, I've beenseeing them,” I repeated, hoping my emphasis cleared up any confusion. It didn't. “For fuck’s sake, Chase, I’m screwing Zach and Daniel.”
“Do they know?” Chase scowled, his nostrils flaring with every breath as his irritation grew. I knew that look; my brother was working his way to a full-blown tizzy. “You can't do that, Colin. Theyjustgot together. It's going to crush them if they find out that both of them have been sleeping with you.” He jumped off the bed, pacing back and forth across his tiny room, fists balled at his sides. “Are you seriously that selfish? I know you’re new, but the two of them have been hung up on each other since before I moved in. And now you think it's okay to just work your way in between them? God, I never thought you'd be this way.”
I hopped off the bed, grabbing Chase by the shoulders, shaking him gently.
“It's not like that,” I insisted. “And, yeah, I'm pretty sure they both know that I’m sleeping with the other. It's been a few weeks since I spent the night in my bed because I’m tucked in between the two of them every night.”
That caught his attention. He stopped so abruptly, he nearly tripped over his feet. “How does that even work?”
Chase started turning his head to one side, then the other, making hand gestures I didn't even want to know what they were for. My big brother was seriously sitting there trying to figure out how sex between three guys worked. I would have laughed if I wasn't so freaked out.
“It just does,” I replied simply.
“Why didn't you say something sooner?” His expression fell. There was the pain I'd been hoping to avoid.
I quirked an eyebrow. He was on the verge of a freak out. I took his hand, leading him over to the beanbag I knew he and Jayden snuggled in.
Fuck. Jayden was going to be mad that I gotten Chase worked up when he wasn't here to comfort him, but this was something that needed to be taken care of between brothers. He'd have to respect that. I went to the bed the two of them shared and grabbed Chase's blanket. It wasn't surprising at all when I pulled it off the bed and had to make a quick grab to keep his pacifier from falling to the floor. Without a word, I handed both to him. He stilled, his eyes growing wide. He couldn't pull his eyes away from the pacifier.
“Just take it,” I insisted. “Believe me, this isn't something that's new to me.”
“You don't think I’m a freak?” He lifted the binkie to his lips but didn’t pop it into his mouth. Instead, he curled his fingers around it, twisting the nipple like it was a stress ball. I wished I could make him understand that I really didn’t have a problem if he needed the comfort it gave him. I might not understand, but Ididsee the differences in him since he’d started dating someone who accepted that side of him.
I lowered myself to the floor in front of him, sitting with my legs crossed, the way we used to when we were kids. “Do you think I'm a freak for dating two guys at the same time?”
“No, but this is—”
I held up a hand to silence him. “The point I'm trying to make, Chase, is, who you are to me isn't going to change just because you're a little. I've actually known for a long time.”
“You have?” His face went white.
I gently rubbed his knee, hoping to calm him down before his boyfriend beat the hell out of me. “Yeah. Word of advice. If you ever hand a computer down to someone, make sure you at least wipe your history.”
Chase buried his face in his hands. “Oh God. What if Mom and Dad found it?”
“The good news for you is they didn't. And what I started to learn about you, it taught me something about myself, too.”
“Are you like me?” Chase's expression fell when I shook my head. “Of course, you're not. But you're okay if I’m this way?”
“Of course, I am,” I insisted. “And watching you and Jayden last summer helped me realize that there's no reason to hide and that it's not all or nothing. I have my own stuff that I'm into. It's not the same as what you and Jayden do, but that's not what this is really about.”
“You know about me, why can't I know about you?” Chase pouted, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. I was halfway waiting for him to stamp his foot on the floor.
“Because I don't want to out anyone without their permission,” I explained. “I needed you to know that I'm seeing Zach and Daniel, but that needs to be enough. For now. If they're okay with you knowing more, then I promise you'll be the first person I talk to.”
“Okay.” Chase shrugged and curled into a ball on his beanbag. “If it's okay with you, I think I'm going to take a nap before the festival. But don't worry, if anyone tries to say anything, I'll put them in their place.”
“Okay.” I chuckled, reaching out to scruff his hair. “I'm sure you'll be my big bad defender.” As I stood, I bent down, kissing my brother’s forehead. “Do you need anything else before you take your nap? You have a cup or a stuffie you like?”
“I couldn't ask you to get—”
I pressed the palm of my hand against his mouth to silence him. “You can, and you will. I know you let Matt and Brandon help you when Jayden's not here. I want you to know you can come to me, too. If it helps, you can think of yourself as the little brother and I am the big brother taking care of you for a change.”
“Okay,” Chase conceded. He curled into a ball and started rubbing his eyes. “Can you grab my sippy out of the closet and get me some juice?”
