Page 88 of Fifty First Times (Sharing You 0.40)
Colette snorted. “Pigs, all of you.” But then she leaned forward, cocking her head to the side. “What do the girls get if they do the dare?”
Will shrugged. “Anything. Either girl can ask any of the guys to do a dare and they have to do it.”
“Have all the guys agreed to this?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.
Will nodded and raised his hand. “Yep. Scout’s honor.”
“You were never a Boy Scout,” I said.
Will kicked my foot and smiled. “Shut up, Bates. Your chick is considering kissing another chick. Don’t distract her.”
She’s not my chick. But I kept that to myself. I had to remember I was straight guy here. The guy this group had known since we were hanging out under the monkey bars in elementary school. In this world, I should want to see two girls kissing.
“I’ll do it,” Colette declared with an offhanded sweep of her hand, like she’d decided to eat chocolate ice cream instead of strawberry. No big deal. “But . . . in return, two of you dudes need to do the same.”
Collective groans rang out over the crackling of the fire. Choruses of No effing way, Disgusting, I’d rather eat another ant came from all directions. I groaned along with them and gave Colette a warning look. Malcolm, though, said nothing. He just shifted on his log, looking as uncomfortable as I’d ever seen him.
Uncomfortable because of me. If this had been two months ago, he would’ve been joining in with all the others, having a good time with it all. But now there was this big, glowing elephant here. And that glowing elephant was me.
“It’s not a big deal,” Malcolm said with a shrug. “If these girls stick to their end of the bargain, I’ll plant one on any of you shitheads. Be the best action most of y’all have seen in months.”
Malcolm’s gaze met mine, and my breathing stalled in my chest. No, no, no. This couldn’t happen. I appreciated the attempt to make it sound like two guys kissing wasn’t a big thing. But I wouldn’t survive watching Malcolm kiss one of these guys. And I definitely couldn’t handle that guy being me. That was Colette’s plan. I could tell by the sneaky smile she sent me. She was far more devious than I’d give her credit for. But nothing would be worse than getting a taste of what could never be. And there’d be no way to hide my reaction if Malcolm put his mouth on mine. Any shreds of friendship we were trying to stitch back together would go up like hay in that bonfire.
Before Colette could find a girl willing to kiss her, I pushed to my feet.
“Where you going, Bates?” Will asked. “Show’s about to start.”
“I’ve got to take a piss,” I said, my heartbeat hopping like a panicked rabbit. “Take video.”
“Come on, stay,” Colette said, grabbing for my hand.
Malcolm was watching it all. I couldn’t deal for another second. “Sorry, can’t.”
If running wouldn’t have been obvious, I would’ve sprinted right then. But somehow, I managed to stroll off toward the barn at a reasonable pace without looking back. Once there, I climbed into the loft—the place where Malcolm and I used to hide when he was supposed to be doing chores. The far corner used to be filled with comic books and dirty magazines and anything we wanted to hide from his mother. I pulled my legs to my chest, laced my hands behind my neck, and rested my forehead on my knees, trying to get my breathing back in check.
Something was going to have to change. I couldn’t keep doing this to myself. Especially now that Malcolm knew. Life had been tortuous before, but it’d be unbearable to live with him now. If I wanted to preserve any part of our friendship, I’d need to move out. And I had to move on. It was time for me to find a real relationship instead of one that only existed in fantasy.
I blew out a breath and unfurled, lying down on the wood. Maybe I just needed room to breathe. Maybe that would help it fade. This was a simply a childhood crush gone wrong. I closed my eyes, feeling more resolute with each passing minute. I would fix this. I had to. Because even though I’d brushed it off earlier today, Malcolm had been right. He was a part of my life, family, someone I couldn’t lose. Having my best friend was worth more than any of it—desire, feelings, sex.
I closed my eyes, feeling more at peace than I had in a long time. This would stop. Decision made.
But the peace didn’t last long.
I’d almost dozed off when I heard heavy booted footsteps along the floorboards. The wood vibrated beneath my back as my visitor moved toward me.
“I know you don’t want to sleep in my room, but at least my place doesn’t smell like horse shit.”
Malcolm’s voice was low in the cavernous space, but the sound reverberated through me like my internal tuning fork had been struck, pulling me from my half-asleep state in an instant. I opened my eyes, the weathered slats of the roof sharpening into focus. “Depends on if you’ve left your gym clothes in there.”
“True that,” he said with a smile in his voice. The boards creaked beneath his feet. “So you missed it. Sweet Colette Stanley French-kissed McKayla for a full thirty seconds. I thought Will’s eyes were going to pop right out of his head. That kid really is sheltered at that Baptist college he’s going to. You can see chicks making out every night at the clubs around our school.”
“So sorry I missed that,” I said dryly. “So where’s McKayla now that’s she’s gotten her girl-on-girl action? Taking my spot in your room?”
“Nah, she went off with Will. I’ve already met my two-girl limit for the week.”
I sighed and pushed myself up to sit. Malcolm had sat as well and was leaning against the wall, his gaze far off. I ran a hand over the back of my head to get any hay out of my hair. “Look, Mal, I’m sorry about the comment earlier today. It was out of line. You can do what you want.”
He shrugged. “You call it like you see it. Can’t blame a guy for that.”
