Page 34 of Fifty First Times (Sharing You 0.40)
e off my chair and onto his lap. “I don’t get enough time with my girl to spend any of it passed out.”
The pizza comes, and I turn to Rick, leaning close to his ear. “You’re my boyfriend?”
We’ve never really defined our relationship, even before I was injured, but the thought of him thinking of me as his girlfriend—that he thinks of us as “official”—causes a tingle under my skin.
“Unless that’s a problem for you.” I hear the tease in his voice and can’t stop my smile.
We eat, and Jema talks my ears off about stuff I only half hear over the music, and the guys, who are already onto their third pitcher, are still trying to get Rick to drink. No one stares, and when Rick goes to the bar to get us both another Coke, Brian actually hits on me. He backs off when Rick comes back and threatens to rip his still beating heart out through his mouth.
“You ready?” Rick finally asks me.
“To go home?”
He leans closer and lowers his voice. “I was hoping for some alone time before I had to drive you back.”
Butterflies stir in my belly as he stands and tells his friends we’re heading out. They give him shit, but he ignores their catcalls as he leads me out the door. He takes my hand as he drives.
“Happy birthday,” I say, leaning against him. “I didn’t get a chance to go shopping so . . .”
He lets go of my hand and wraps his arm tightly around me. “I’ve got everything I want right here.”
When we get to his apartment, he leads me in. It smells like dirty socks and stale pizza, which makes me wonder if he ever eats anything else.
He barely has the door closed before he’s pressing me up against the back of it, kissing me as if his life depended on it. “There’s only one thing I want for my birthday,” he says, his voice rough. “I want as much of you as you’ll give me.”
I’m shaking, three parts from anticipation, and one part from fear. “You’ve always had all of me, Rick,” I whisper against his lips.
He lifts me by the hips, and I wrap my legs around him as he carries me to his bed. My heart pounds as he lays me across it.
He starts to lift my shirt, but I grasp his wrist.
“Okay?” he asks.
I don’t let go. “Um . . . there are . . . more scars . . .” I lift his hand to my tingling stomach. “. . . here . . .” I slide his hand over my T-shirt to my right breast. “. . . and here.”
He nuzzles my neck and his hand stays on my breast even after I let it go. “They’re part of who you are, and I love every inch of you.”
My heart beats everywhere, making my body pulse with its rhythm, and the swell of emotion nearly chokes me.
His finger traces the scar on my face, then he undresses me slowly. As his hands and mouth find my scars, before he kisses each one, he asks, “Okay?”
I lose myself in his touch and his taste, and my fear fades into a growing need to be closer. And when he pauses for the condom and I have a second to think, I’m surprised to find, lying here naked, all my flaws exposed to him, I’m not self-conscious.
His warm body presses against mine and he kisses me again, then his lips glide to my ear. “Okay?” he breathes, his fingertips whispering down my face.
“Okay,” I answer without hesitation.
He rocks into me and I feel electric. Totally alive. When I tip my head back in an attempt to contain the raw emotion rising from deep in my core, he drops kisses up my throat and my jawline to my ear, where he kisses away my tears and whispers, “I so fucking love you, Rene Vargas.”
His firm pressure moving inside me fills my universe. It’s not my first time, but it feels like it. I’m not the person I was before. I’m starting to realize Rick is right. I’m not broken. I’m not pathetic. I’m not ugly. I’m customized, and unique, and from here I can be anything I want to be. He makes me feel beautiful. He makes me remember who I am, out from under everything that’s happened. And most of all, he makes me want to live.
I’m done hiding from the world and from myself. And I never really could hide from Rick, even when I tried.
About the Author
LISA DESROCHERS is the USA Today bestselling author of the A Little Too Far series, courtesy of HarperCollins (where Rick makes his first appearance), and the young adult Personal Demons trilogy from Macmillan. She lives in Northern California with her husband, two very busy daughters, and Shini the tarantula.
Find her online at www.lisadwrites.com, on Twitter at @LisaDez, and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/LisaDesrochersAuthor.
