Page 2 of Fifty First Times (Sharing You 0.40)
And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was back in Beauford, Texas.
I had returned to a town that was still reeling from the closure of a mannequin factory ten years ago. Beauford was the kind of place where boys were taught that football was religion and girls still took home economics. I’d fought tooth and nail to get out of here and now I’d waltzed back into town eager to show off, hoping I might run into the one person I’d been avoiding for months. But there was no way he was going to be here, because he was smart enough not to come back home, even for a holiday. Once you got out of Beauford, you stayed out.
Calm down, Jac, I ordered myself. It’s Christmas. That’s all.
I grabbed for a passing tray, scooping up two Dixie cups and quickly swallowing back the Jell-O shots before I found a beer.
It wasn’t just being back in Beauford though. I knew that. It was feeling like I was stuck between two stages in my life as though I was waiting for a light to change on the corner of first and second. Who cared if Tasha was pregnant? She was still sweet Tasha Barnes. Buchanan, I corrected myself. She was Tasha Buchanan now. Pushing my way through the crowd, I found her lounging in a plastic patio chair.
“I wasn’t sure if you were coming back,” she said as I pulled another lawn chair up beside her.
“Sorry. I was a little . . . surprised.” It felt nice to admit it.
“I was, too. I mean they tell you you can get pregnant, but I never really thought about it.” Tasha’s hand was resting peacefully on her stomach still. If she was upset about the baby, it didn’t show.
“Was it an accident?” I asked, but I wished immediately that I could take the question back.
Tasha giggled and shook her head. “It wasn’t exactly planned, but considering we were fucking like bunnies as soon as we came back with that marriage certificate, I can’t really say it was an accident.”
We lapsed into silence after that. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Tasha was going to have a baby. She was married, and I hadn’t even . . .
Hell, I couldn’t even finish the thought.
“You seen Wes?” she asked me as though she could read my mind.
I shook my head so violently that the beer I was holding spilled onto my lap. “We don’t keep in touch. New York is pretty far away.”
“I thought maybe you two were getting together,” Tasha said. “These things weren’t really your scene back in the day.”
Back in the day? Had I imagined the wistful tone in her words? Sure, I hadn’t been one to go out partying. In fact, I’d only gotten drunk once before leaving for college, and it was the memory of that night which made it completely and totally impossible that I was here to see Wesley Asher.
Tasha raised an eyebrow, her face shadowy in the night. I guess it was my turn to surprise her. Wes and I had been inseparable once. Best friends. He was the reason I’d managed to stay focused enough to get out of Beauford and get into UCLA on scholarship. He’d kept me from going goo-goo-eyed over a boy, and I’d done the same for him with girls. Consequently, we had secured a matching set of get-out-of-Texas-free cards. Mine courtesy of UCLA and his from NYU.
And I hadn’t thought about him in seven months. I hadn’t let myself. A jagged pain tore through my chest thinking about him now.
“I just thought I’d stop by,” I said. “Is Wes back in town?”
Why had I asked her that? I didn’t care if Wes was in town or not.
“ ’Course he’s in town,” Tasha said. “He’s here tonight.”
My vision swam and for a moment I forgot that I’d had two strong Jell-O shots and most of a beer. Instead I was back in a nondescript room at the Holiday Inn, rolling in my underwear on the queen-sized bed and swigging out of a nearly empty bottle of Boone’s Farm. I’d lost my dignity that night, but that was all I ended up losing.
“Oh.” It was the only word I could remember in that moment.
“Sorry.” Tasha leaned forward and bit her lip. “I didn’t realize.”
“Realize what?” I asked, already planning my exit strategy. If I was careful I could climb over the padlocked gate and bypass reentering the party altogether.
“That you were still in love with him.”
Whatever I thought she was apologizing for, that was not one of the possibilities. “I’m not in love with him!”
Tasha looked like she felt sorry for me.
“I’m not!” I repeated. Wanting to see him didn’t mean I was in love with him.
