Page 14 of Fifty First Times (Sharing You 0.40)
“Romantic.” He leans over me and his face turns serious again. “Sometimes people can’t make it work the first time.”
“Like a musical rehearsal?” I say, teasing. “You work on sections of it and get the kinks out, but the whole thing doesn’t come together on the first
try.”
“Yeah, like that.” He grins. “Kinks. Interesting word choice.”
His weight is almost completely on top of me now. What comes next is all I can focus on—protection would be the next step, but I’ve got birth control covered. It’s terrible how bad I want this to come together, how much I’m aching for it, even though I know disappointment on the first try is normal. Jack leans down to kiss me, so soft and gentle, with the promise of forever. It makes me think of the day he proposed.
“You want me to sing this out here?” My face had already begun to redden.
Jack grinned and stretched out on the blanket we’d brought to our little haven amid the cornfields between my house and the church. “It’s the perfect place to rehearse. No one will hear or see you.”
“Except you,” I reminded him.
“Yes, and I’m secretly reviewing your performance for the church bulletin.” He thrust the sheet music for “On My Own” into my hand. “Go on, stand up. This is for your final exam grade, right?”
“Uh-huh.” I scrambled to my feet and held the pages in my hands, making sure to cover my face at least halfway. With Jack lying down and me standing, I could look straight ahead at rows of corn instead of watching him, watch me.
My pitch wavered on the first few lines and then I fell into that headspace and became this girl in love, the unrequited love and the despair she felt knowing he had already given his heart to someone else.
When I reached the final line, a wave of embarrassment hit me, realizing I was coming out of the stage trance having no clue if I’d sounded decent or not. Jack’s gaze locked with mine for several heartbeats and then he dropped his eyes to the remaining pages in his hands.
“What is BWA?”
I sat back down on the blanket beside him and leaned in to see what he was looking at. “Oh, that’s an audition form. It’s a new school in New York City. A Broadway feeder program run by directors and Broadway show cast members.”
“I didn’t know you were applying to new schools?”
I snatched the paper from him and tucked it behind my sheet music. “I’m not applying. It’s just that my professor said if we participated in the local audition he’d count it as our final exam. He wants to make sure it’s well attended so that they come back here next year. One four-minute song in front of a handful of admissions people and my professor, or a long exam on musical theory plus essay questions, plus a sight reading test—of course I’ll choose the audition.”
He took the pages from my hands and set them behind him, then pulled me closer until I was lying beside him. “What if you get in?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, like that will happen. Me moving to New York City, finding a place to live, and covering the thirty-five thousand a year tuition. I know you’ve seen that offerings basket go around every Sunday but there’s a lot of coins in there and that’s the money that pays my dad’s salary.”
Jack leaned over me, brushing the hair off my face. “So it’s not because you’re afraid to leave home and live in a big city?”
“That’s what people will think, right?” I released a frustrated breath. “My parents think that.”
“I don’t,” he said so earnestly my reply got caught in the back of my throat. “You’re quiet, but not timid. There’s a difference. You’ve figured out that you learn a lot more from watching people than talking. And you’re so talented, Audrey. You’re captivating when you sing.”
I smiled and took his face in my hands. “I’m starting to think that you want me to leave.”
“I’m leaving.”
My mouth fell open, my eyes widening in shock. Already a knot had formed in the pit of my stomach. Dread. I’d dreaded this moment for months.
“You knew that already. You’ve always known that.” Dark intensity took over his features. “If you got in, and you had everything you needed to go away, would you do it? Is it something you’ve dreamed about?”
“My parents—” I started to say, hardly able to keep up with his shift in moods.
“Not what your parents want you to do,” he corrected. “Would you go, assuming they approved?”
“Yes,” I breathed the word out like a secret I’d kept inside me for so long. Yes, I wanted more. I wanted to be surrounded by opportunities to sing, to act, to fall into the world of a character. “Yes, I would go, Jack.”
Of course this was all hypothetical.
The tension in his body dissolved and that half smile I loved so much appeared on his face again. “That’s my girl.”
