Page 137 of Fifty First Times (Sharing You 0.40)
TRESSA GOT HOME late; she had to know Wade told me about her spending the night with Micah. She cut her eyes at me for the briefest of moments, guilt washing off her in waves. My anger steamed when he told me, and boiled all day. I fantasized a million ways to let her have it.
But now it is so late, and she looks like such a scared little girl.
Tressa sits on the edge of the pool in her bikini, tanned limbs and small, perky breasts beautiful in the moonlight. After a moment she slides into the cool water, and her fingers find the flesh of my stomach. She pulls me to a stop, but I can’t meet her eyes. It hurts too much, to look at her and imagine that douche bag’s lips on her mouth, his hands touching her skin—even places she hadn’t allowed me.
Her ragged breathing scrapes my ears. Wade pauses, his feet finding the bottom of the pool, and approaches us with more than a little wariness. Tressa moves behind me, her arms hugging my waist, her face pressing into my back. It feels odd, the affection she typically denies me against the pain of her betrayal.
Wade looks at me. “You have a really weird expression on your face right now. Is she jerking you off under the water or something?”
“Dude, no.”
Tressa drops her arms and stands up, then slogs her way to the side of the pool and hauls herself out. Her arms hug her chest. “I’m going to sleep.”
I follow her inside, sinking down onto the edge of the bed. We have to address the elephant in the room, but no matter how much it hurts, I’m not ready to lose her.
“Did you have sex with him?”
“What? No. No, Noel.”
Silence stretches while I search for the courage to end this gut-wrenching relationship.
“Tell me to leave, Noel.” Her voice sounds wet, shaking with tears. “I spent the night with Micah. I deserve this. Throw me out, tell me you never want to see me again. Do it.”
Every word flays my skin. For the first time, the misery in Tressa’s voice has to do with disappointing me, not avoiding me, and in spite of last night, it gives me hope.
“I don’t think I can do that.”
I turn to her and put my hands on her cheeks, feeling the dampness of her tears soak into my palms. Her hazel eyes, greener in her state of emotion, beg me.
Beg me for what, I have no idea.
To let her go? To keep her here? To punish her? To forgive her?
I covered her mouth with mine, drinking in the salty taste of her lips and the way every inch of me came alive when her arms pulled my body to hers.
Seven
Tressa
EVEN THOUGH I’M prepared, even though I’ve told myself for days that this would be his answer, the words—that’s not how I want to live—slice my heart into ribbons. We’re not going to be together.
He’ll always be my first love, but he’ll never be my first everything else.
My eyes fill with tears, but I blink them back and force a tiny smile. He heard me out. I can’t ask him for anything more. A few of those tears are for Noel—because no matter what he says now, he’s going to know he settled.
Or maybe not. Maybe I’m one-hundred-percent wrong. Immature. Maybe grown-up relationships are all about picking the best possible option, and passion gets locked away with crazy summers and boys we never should have met. I can’t imagine being happy with anything that shallow though. Not after Noel.
Words gather in my throat, but they disappear before landing on my tongue. This is Noel’s life. And as much as it hurts, even if it feels like it might take years to resurrect the shattered pieces, I know. I have to let him go.
“What the fuck is she doing here?”
My ears ring with the quiet, angry words, and Noel freezes beside me. We both turn, and Alice stands in the open front door. The idle thought hits me that she looks like a child in her pajamas—she’s short and bone-thin, the complete opposite of my five-foot-seven, ten-pounds-too-heavy frame.
Noel scrambles to his feet, recovering a split second before I do, and reaches for Alice. She shrugs him off, her eyes accusing, and refuses to look at me while she waits for an answer. I wonder if I should leave, but she tears her eyes from Noel and pins me with a glare so fierce it immobilizes me. Alice might be vanilla, but she’s fiercely protective of her relationship.
“We were just talking,” I say.
“You show up two nights before my wedding, and I’m supposed to believe you?”
