Page 135 of Fifty First Times (Sharing You 0.40)
“You really think it works with Alice?” I try to keep the skepticism from my voice. My feelings make me a poor judge.
“I don’t know. They’re good together. Not angsty and passionate, but stable.”
“He’s settling, Sammie.”
“Listen. Say what you came to say, if it’s that important to you, but I’m telling you . . . he’ll choose her. Again.”
Again.
My cell phone beeps, and I glance down to check the text. It’s from Noel.
I can’t meet you later. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.
SAMMIE WENT BACK to join the girls and doesn’t come home—they’re having some kind of lame bridal slumber party. The night drags, every memory of every time Noel wanted to talk to me about our relationship dancing behind my eyes. All the nights when he’d asked me what we were doing, what I wanted, how I felt, and I ignored him. I shrugged, I rolled my eyes. I ran away.
Most often, my snotty, stupid reply was I just want to have fun.
Fun. I had been an idiot for three months of my life, and it had cost me the one thing I’ve ever been a hundred percent sure I wanted.
I give up sleep around three and call Ashlee until she picks up.
“What?”
“He won’t talk to me.”
Sheets and blankets rustle, and Ash sighs. “I’m not going to say I told you so.”
“I saw him, he said we could talk, but then he texted that it’s not a good idea. That could mean so many things—that he thinks I’m a batshit stalker and is afraid to be alone with me, that he hates me, or that he knows Alice would hit the fucking roof. Or it could mean he doesn’t trust himself with me.”
Ash doesn’t say anything in reply.
“Did you fall asleep?”
“No. You covered it, is all. It could be any of those things, and I know you’re hoping it’s the last one, but he might be over it. Or it might be Alice.”
“I just wanted to have a burger.” I sigh. “What am I supposed to do now?”
“Come home, Tressa. Figure out how to let go.”
I know she’s right. It’s time to move on, to leave the summer I turned nineteen in the past, where it belongs. Not say I’m letting go, but truly let Noel out of my heart.
He’s not mine to hold on to. Maybe I’ve been fooling myself to believe that he ever was, but I’m not ready. I’ve got another twenty-four hours, and I’m already the crazy chick.
Might as well go for broke.
Six
Noel
IT WASN’T FAIR of Tressa to come here, to put these thoughts in my head the day before my wedding. I can’t stop thinking about her, about what she would have said if we’d met or what might have happened. I wanted to see her too badly, which is why I canceled. Alice would have melted down had she found out, too, but it’s mostly that I don’t trust myself. Not where Tressa’s concerned.
It shouldn’t surprise me to come home and find her on my front step, but it does—as though our time apart has dimmed my recollection of how damn stubborn she is. When Tressa digs her heels in, everyone else can go home.
Except I am home, and so is Alice. Which complicates things.
“Can’t you ever just take no for an answer?”
“You didn’t.” She pauses. “Until you did.”
