Page 81 of The Lucky List
“You’re right. I know you’re right.”
“Still doesn’t make it easier thinking about our guys out there, running toward the danger that most people run from, while we sit here safe in our homes.” She places a hand on my thigh and squeezes.
“No, it doesn’t. And I think deep down, the rational part of me knows that he’s okay.”
“That’s why I have hobbies. Why do you think I’ve started baking so much? I need something for myself, a routine I could create that would help me focus on something else when things get scary. Something I could control when my world starts to feel out of control. And I have you and the girls to keep me company too. You can always call any one of us, and we’ll be there to talk to you about your intrusive thoughts.”
I pull her into a hug, whispering against her shoulder, “But what if he wants more than I can give him? I don’t think penis-shaped cookies will distract me from that one.”
She laughs as she pulls back to look at me. “Look at you making dick jokes. Maybe I am rubbing off on you.”
“Don’t say it.”
“That’s what she said.” We speak at the same time, and the laughter that erupts from us eases the ache in my chest.
“So, we addressed the job part, now let’s talk about why Ithink you’re really spiraling. I know you said Mike wants a big family and that carrying on his family name is important to him, but there are ways he could do that.”
“I don’t have the ability to produce more offspring.”
“He could adopt the boys.”
“I hadn’t thought about that.” I blink at her as I think over her suggestion. “But it wouldn’t solve the problem of him wanting more kids.”
“You guys could always adopt more if you were open to it.”
“But technically none of them would be his. It wouldn’t be carrying on the bloodline, just the family name. What if that’s not enough for him?”
Bella purses her lips as she searches my face. “You won’t know until you talk to him. Maybe it’s good that he had to leave when he did. It’ll give him time to think through how he feels about your news and process it before he sees you again.”
“Maybe.”
She squeezes my thigh, redirecting my attention. “He loves you. And I’ve seen him demonstrate that in just the few times I’ve been around you two together. I’ve never seen a more considerate person than Mike. Hell, the man shoved a cock cookie in his mouth to protect your kid’s innocence.”
“He did.”
“Just give him some time to process this.”
I nod, feeling slightly reassured, but still worried about what this means for our future together.
CHAPTER 23
MIKE
“Feckin’ hell,” I mutter as I jog down the stairs and rush out the door as my phone vibrates in my hand. It physically hurts my heart to walk out of her house. I feel like I’m leaving my heart behind the minute the cold air hits me. I want to stay there in the warmth of her house, in the warmth of her embrace.
But I’m reminded that duty calls and I have to answer.
Normally, I’d head to the station and ride in one of our vehicles, but this is all hands on deck, and I’d lose time if I went back toward town, so I head toward the scene. If there’s a chance that this could start a wildfire, every second counts.
With each mile that I get away from Lucy, my stomach sinks. She finally opened up to me, admitted her feelings, and then dropped that bomb. All I want to do is hold her right now. Assure her that this will be okay, that we’ll be okay.
Will it be okay? Choosing her means giving up my dream of continuing the family line. It’s what I’ve been working toward my whole life. My dream.
What the fuck am I saying? I love this woman and her kids. They are my dream. It doesn’t matter to me that they don’t share my blood. I could adopt them, and they could carry onmy family name. And if Lucy’s not okay with that, then I’ll happily be the last of the O’Connor clan, because there’s no way in hell I’m losing this woman. Or Micah or Levi.
There’s a parking lot several hundred feet down the road meant for tourists to park and enjoy the mountain views. Once I find a spot, I run up the steep road till I get to the incident commander. “Where do you need me?”
“There’s extra turnout gear in the truck, go suit up.”
