Page 83 of Bold Angel
“You had a family once. Did you not love your father and mother, your brothers and sisters?”
His tone grew rough. “Aye, I loved them.”
“And when they died, did you not know pain and grief?”
“Aye, like no other I have known.”
“’Tis that same pain when you lose the one that you have given your heart.”
Frustration knotted his brow. “But you have not lost him. You have only to cross the room and—”
“You will never understand.” She rose from her chair and set aside her embroidery. She saw that Odo stared at her still, trying to make sense of what she said. “’Tis as simple as this, Odo,” she said with sadness. “To love someone without pain, they must love you in return.”
Odo watched her walk away, moving slowly, with little of the spirit that had enlivened her before. Though she held her head high, she seemed weighed down with despair. He glanced at Ral, saw his gray eyes locked on her small retreating figure. There was darkness in his gaze, too, and uncertainty, and something else he could not name. It had been there since the night he had gone to his leman.
Ododidn’t know what his friend was feeling, but he knew Ral also was in pain.
Odo shoved himself to his feet. He cared little what happened to Caryn for she was naught but a woman, and a Saxon into the bargain, but he worried for his friend.
“You look at her as I have never seen you look at a woman.” He approached Ral on the dais. “’Tis obvious that you want her. Why do you not just take her?”
Ral jerked his gaze from where Caryn had disappeared up the stairs. His chest ached just to think of her, yet he could not seem to stop. “’Tis only bitter memories the joining brings. There is very little pleasure.”
“Because she has not yet learned that she must share you? In time she will accept that you’ve the need for other women, the same as any other man.”
Ral eyed him darkly. “Do I? Why is it I find no other woman pleasing? Why is it I desire her, yet with this wall between us I find no pleasure in the taking?” A weary sound seeped from inside him. “Why is it my wife’s pain feels like my own?”
“I cannot answer that. I can only tell you that—”
“Can you tell me why I should continue to deny my feelings when there isn’t a man in the keep who cannot see?”
“Do not be a fool. If you give her your heart—”
“What will happen? What terrible misfortune will befall me? I wonder that it could be any worse than that which has befallen me already.” Ral gripped the arms of his chair and came to his feet. “I know that you speak what you believe, but only time will tell which of us is the fool in truth.” Without a backward glance, he strode away from Odo, leaving his friend to ponder his words.
“God’s blood,” Ral muttered darkly, tired to his bones of every man jack in the castle giving him advice he did not need.
He took the stairs two at a time then strode withpurpose down the hall. Of all the admonitions he had received, one thing was crystal clear: He wanted Caryn and he had come to believe she still wanted him.
He had seen her watching him this eve as she had on a dozen occasions. He had felt her eyes on his body, seen the heat that rose into her cheeks, the way she unconsciously wet her lips. He had seen that look on a woman’s face—God’s blood, he wasn’t a fool.
Caryn was a creature of passion. She might not admit her desire for him, but he believed it was still somewhere inside her. If she wanted him enough, mayhap she would eventually forgive him. Mayhap she would regain the affection she once held for him. Mayhap she could learn to feel even more.
Ral continued along the corridor past the solar. When he reached the door to his chamber, he knocked then lifted the latch without waiting for permission to go in.
“My lord?” Caryn stood before a flickering candle, wearing only her thin camise, her hair unbound and shimmering like dark auburn flame around her shoulders. Shadows danced on the rough gray walls behind her, reminding him of the shadows from the past that he had come to conquer.
“’Tis time we settled this trouble between us. ’Tis time once more you warmed my bed.”
She stiffened, and he cursed his choice of words, yet his mind was made up, his goal set. He would not falter until the deed was done.
“Does it matter that I do not want you?”
“I do not believe that, else I would not be here.”
“I gave in before. This time I will fight you.”
He fixed her with a long, determined stare. “You are my wife. Should you try to resist me, I will strip you and tie you to the bed.”
