Page 42 of The Payback Adventure
She shrugged.
He wanted to give her what she wanted. “You’ve given up so much of your life already to the farm and your siblings. You can’t give up your dreams, too. It’s not too late—”
“It is too late. I have the kids and the farm and my job.”
“You could sell to Mr. Jackson.”
“Never.” Her eyes darkened. “This is the only home my family has ever known. I won’t take that away from them. No matter what.”
“Even if it’s not what you want to do?”
“It’s what I have to do. I don’t deserve to have my dreams come true. If it weren’t for me, my dad and stepmother would still be alive.” The words tumbled out.
Her eyes widened once she realized what she’d revealed.
Henry needed to proceed slowly, cautiously. “I thought they were in a car accident.”
“They were, but I’m the one who convinced them to go out on a date. If it weren’t for me, they would still be alive. My brother and sisters would have parents. The farm wouldn’t be struggling so badly. Neither would we.”
“It isn’t your fault, Elisabeth.” Henry wanted to take away her pain—her guilt. “You weren’t driving the car. You weren’t even there. It was an accident.”
She stared at the pictures on the mantel. “Caitlin wouldn’t sleep through the night. I’d come home for the weekend, and my stepmother was so tired. She needed a break, so I told them to go on a date night, and I would watch the kids. They did, and they never came home again.”
“They might have gone out anyway. Or had all the kids with them. Or a million other scenarios.” Henry wanted to shake some sense into her. He knew what this kind of guilt could do to a person. “You can’t continue blaming yourself.”
Tears glimmered in her eyes. “How can I not blame myself?”
His heart ached for her.
He’d been there himself. Except he’d been a lot older than twenty-one, and he didn’t have a baby to take care of and a brother and a sister and a farm. She would have had no timefor herself. No time to mourn the loss of her parents. Only time to blame herself and give up her own life and dreams to make up for something that wasn’t her fault.
“Things happen for no reason,” he explained. “Sometimes good things, sometimes bad. And that can be hard to accept, especially when those things are beyond our control.”
She said nothing. But her pain, her despair, tore at him.
He never opened up, never let anyone get too close, but just this once he needed to. For Elisabeth.
“After my parents were killed in the plane crash, I blamed myself.” That wasn’t easy for him to admit. He took a deep breath. “I was supposed to be on their flight, but I was too hungover and called them at the airport to tell them I would take a later flight. They were disappointed in me—a common occurrence—but said they would wait and take the later flight with me. I told them it wasn’t necessary. I didn’t relish being trapped on a transatlantic flight, listening to them tell me how I wasn’t living up to their expectations. But if I hadn’t been so selfish and let them wait for me, they wouldn’t have been on that flight. They wouldn’t have died.”
Elisabeth’s face lightened. “So you know.”
“I know.”
Her gaze met his. “How did you get through it?”
“I didn’t at first. The guilt. The grief.” Knowing he would never be able to gain his parents’ love or show them they’d been wrong about him. “I spent my time partying. Until my friends stepped in. Laurel and Brett Matthews. Cynthia Sterling. Ryland Guyer. Wes Lockhart. A few other guys who Wes introduced me to. They got me through it. Saved me.”
And Henry would do whatever it took to repay them for their friendship and ensure their happiness.
“You’re lucky to have them,” Elisabeth said. “I don’t—didn’t—have many friends to rely on. Theresa’s great and always has been, but I was engaged when the accident happened, and my ex-fiancé didn’t understand. He didn’t even try.”
“The guy must have been an idiot.”
The corners of her mouth lifted. “That’s what Theresa said. She’s a good friend.”
“Yes, she is. And smart.” Henry held Elisabeth’s hand. Engaged so young. Too young. No wonder it didn’t last. And to have lost her parents, too. “Does Theresa think you were to blame?”
“No.”
