Page 21 of The Throwaway

You’re needed.

You’re part of a team.

You have a purpose.

I’m not needed.

I’m not part of anything.

I have no purpose.

You have what I want.

You have what I’ll never have.

And I hate you for it.

Horrendous.

Unpleasant.

Gross.

It found me again today.

That deep down, sinking feeling.

We’re familiar friends.

My only friend, who visits often.

It brings a cold feeling of dread.

It brings a deep, dark ache.

I shake it from time to time.

But it takes a piece of me with it.

It leaves me weaker when it goes.

Each time it comes back stronger than the last.

As classmates received praise,

I could feel it begin to consume me.

I should be happy for them.

But I’m not.

The ache grows and intensifies.

It pulls me under.

It laughs at me.

It reminds me I’m worthless.