Page 3 of Stage Dive: Short Stories & Novellas
“No,” she hissed.Then she suddenly seemed to change her mind, her pretty face returning to stern.So hot.“Actually, yes.If only to witness firsthand on behalf of all womankind how inadequate you truly are.”
“Excellent!”I rubbed my hands together.This was exactly how I’d imagined her falling into my arms demanding sexual pleasure.Well, mostly it was.
The woman tapped her foot loudly.“I’m waiting.”
I inspected our surroundings.It was your usual hipster bookshop.Beyond the large plate glass windows, a steady stream of people passed by.Normal for this hour of the day in the Pearl District of Portland.Not exactly the place to whip your dick out unless you wanted the police to come calling.
“I can hardly just get it out right here.”
“Why not?”
“Well, if you must know, my penis is not only unusually large and beautiful.But I’m sort of famous.”I shrugged.“A rock star, actually.Thought you might have recognized me by now, but obviously not.”
She yawned.
“If I get my dick out right here, we’ll have a riot on our hands.”
“I doubt it.”
“Doubt away, but it’s still the truth.”Hands on hips, I faced her down.“I’m sorry, miss.For your and my safety, along with the well-being of all the books in this fine establishment, we’re going to have to take this into the back room.”
With a toss of her shiny red hair, she nodded.“Fine.Whatever.”
“Glad you’re being sensible about this.”
The woman strode out from behind the counter, crossing the shop floor, and flicking the lock on the door.Now we were getting somewhere.It was hard to keep the smirk off my face.I looked really good smirking.“Sure you don’t want to tell me your name?”
“Nope and I don’t need to know yours either.This way…”
I followed her out back to a storage room, mesmerized by the sway of her curvy ass beneath the skirt of her dress.She really was my perfect woman.If only she’d admit it.Though there was a certain delight to be had in a woman playing hard to get.So long as she enjoyed herself too.
“I don’t expect this to take long,” she said, facing me with arms crossed in the crowded little room.Shelves lined the walls, full to overflowing with various tomes and shit.“Oh, wait, I didn’t think to bring a microscope.Am I even going to be able to see it unaided?”
“Haha, madam.”
She smirked.It’s quite possible she looked even better smirking than I did.Dammit.
“Try not to faint or anything,” I said, tearing open the buttons of my jeans.“It’s a bitch to catch swooning women with your pants around your ankles.”
The girl couldn’t have looked more bored.“I’ll do my best to hold it together.”
“You say that now, but many have been overwhelmed by the sight of my naked genitals.Why, it happens so often I’ve basically been declared a hazard to heterosexual women everywhere.”
“Do you always talk like this?”
In answer, I pushed down my black boxer briefs, baring my splendor to the world.Or to her at least.And there hung my dick in all its glory.“See, I even did some trimming for you.”
“That was considerate.”The corner of her lips crept up.“Stay in character.This won’t work if you don’t stay in character.”
“I’m staying in character, you stay in character.”
She giggled, then straightened her shoulders, taking a deep breath.“Oh.My.God.”
“Right?My dick’s amazing, isn’t it?”I happy sighed.“Told you, but no…you wouldn’t believe me.”
“I can’t believe you’d show a complete stranger your goods.”
“Hey now, you act like I get it out for just anyone and that’s not true.You’re special to me.Whoever you are.”
