Page 121 of Stage Dive: Short Stories & Novellas
“Neither of us want this, but…”
“Just do it.”
He gently pushed my knees wide apart and froze.“Ah, Ev?”
“What?”I asked as the pain amped up once again.“Oh, motherfucker.”
“You might want to push.”
“No shit, Mal!”
“Because I think you’re sort of having a baby,” he finished.
“What?That’s ridicu… Argh.”I gritted my teeth and ignored his bullshit crazy words and pushed.It was the only thing my body wanted to do.Agony tore through me.If I could just get it out.Whatever it was.Everything would be fine.
He tore another towel off the wall and held it down near my groin.“Keep going.That’s it.You’re doing great.I can definitely see a head.”
Maybe Mal was drunk and delusional.I didn’t know.Maybe he was on drugs.But I definitely wasn’t pregnant because that wasn’t the kind of thing you tended not to notice.Having a baby was sort of a damn big deal.At any rate, I had other things to worry about.Like not dying anytime soon.
Again and again, I pushed for all I was worth.Sweat coated my body, and every inch of me was on fire.It felt like my insides were trying to burst out of me.Gross, but true.Nothing mattered apart from making it happen.Getting whatever it was out.
“Come on, little baby,” he said, staring determinedly at my crotch.“That’s it.You’re doing really well.”
The pain dimmed again, giving me room to think.And my thoughts were not happy.“No.Wait.A baby?You’re being serious?Like really?”
He grinned.“Yep.Isn’t that wild?”
“But…I can’t be.”
“Yeah, but you sort of are.”
“A baby isn’t part of the plan.Not for another four or so years.”Tears leaked down my face.“No.You’re just being silly or something.I think I’d know if I was pregnant, Mal.”
He winced.“Ev…”
“I mean, come on!How is that even possible?”
“Not sure we have time for me to explain the birds and the bees to you.”
“I’m on birth control,” I continued in a calm if somewhat shrieking tone of voice.“My periods are light and irregular, but they’re there.”
Mal just shrugged.“I honestly don’t know what to tell you.Want me to take a picture and show you so you can see for yourself?”
“Don’t you dare take a picture of my vagina!”
“Right.Sorry.Bad idea,” he said.“Please don’t scream at me.The acoustics in this room are intense.”
“Oh my God.I’m having a baby, and David isn’t even here.”My head spun in the weirdest way, but I couldn’t faint.It was time to push again.“Ohhh!”
“That’s it,” said Mal, all excited.“Almost there.”
I pushed again, and something roughly the size of Texas slipped out of my nether regions and into Mal’s waiting hands.A cranky little cry filled the room, echoing off the tiled walls and floor.The most unexpected and amazing sound I’d ever heard.My head felt light, though, my body felt heavy.How the hell could this be happening?
“It’s a boy,” said Mal, voice ecstatic.
“A boy?Is he okay?”
“I think so.”
