Page 81 of Beautiful Forever
“Not mine.”
My heart betrays me with its violent thrum when it whispers,But what if I want to be?
As soon as the thought forms, I’m inundated with a suffocating mix of shame for even thinking it and…temptation for something I know I can’t have.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Wanting another man, even if I never act on it, isn’t much different than physically cheating. The truth of it sickens me, making me feel unfaithful.
But longing has a way of clawing past morality, and no matter how hard I try to fight my growing feelings for a man I shouldn’t want, I sink deeper into a blackhole of forbidden yearning I can’t seem to will away. It’s wrong—I fuckingknowit’s wrong—but Aleksander ignites something uncontrollable inside me, its burn growing hotter every time I try to extinguish it.
I don’t know who moves first. Maybe we both do. My conscience screams at me to keep my distance. To move. To say stop. But my body betrays me, drawn to his heat like a moth to a flame. The air between us pulses with a dangerous current, its pull a force I can’t fight.
Aleksander’s gaze drops to my mouth, and the hunger behind his light-gray eyes makes my heart rate go haywire.
“I’ve got to go.” Sliding around him, I take off like the hounds of hell are nipping at my heels, my guilt giving my feet wings as I run as fast as I can.
“Syn, wait!”
One second I’m on the trail, the next, I’m dashing up the front steps of the house, my brain on autopilot because I don’t recall how I got here so quickly.
Kicking off my tennis shoes, I stop in the entryway to the living room and take in the sweet scene of Constantine playing with Fénix on a blanket laid out on the floor, soft, plushie toys scattered around them.
“Mommy’s back.” Constantine’s raspy voice a gentle coo as he talks to our son. Fénix kicks his little legs in response and tries to grab the rattle toy Constantine is holding. “How was your run?”
“Fine.”
He’s too perceptive for his own good. He has this unnerving ability to read people, something as inconsequential as a small inflection in your tone or from things like subtle eye movements or posture. So, I’m not surprised that he somehow senses I’m upset.
Flipping Fénix over onto his stomach for some tummy time, Constantine rises from his cross-legged position. “What’s wrong?”
I try to brush off my melancholy and smile. “Nothing.”
With care, he cups my cold face and tips it, and I get lost in the depths of his dark eyes. “If it’s nothing, then why have you been crying?”
I didn’t know I had been.
I wrinkle my red nose. “It’s cold outside. And I’m sweaty.” Not a lie after running the two miles it took to get home in elevenminutes. Miles I know I’m going to feel later today. My calves are already sore with lactic acid buildup.
“Você é meu coração. I am always your safe place.” His thumbs are brushstrokes over my cheeks…and my undoing.
“Why weren’t you upset about what happened this morning?”
“Kind of hard to be upset when your woman is on her knees, sending you to heaven as she deep-throats your dick.”
Laughter unintentionally splutters out. “Did you and Hendrix have aFreaky Fridayand switch bodies?”
Growing serious, he palms the back of my neck. “Does it bother you that I wasn’t upset?”
Yes. No. I’m not sure.
My guys are possessive. Touch her and die. And that’s putting it mildly. Hendrix goes all cave man when other men look at me with my clotheson. And Aleksander used to be their…I don’t know. Lifelong nemesis? Enemy? I know a lot has changed over the past year in our relationships and our family, both of which Aleksander is now an essential part of.
“It’s just…I’m ashamed of how I reacted. I shouldn’t have come back into the kitchen?—”
I huff when he interrupts me. I wish everyone would stop doing that.
“First, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You’re fucking gorgeous. Every inch of you. The blame lies squarely on us for watching without permission.”
“It’s not that.”
