Page 120 of Beautiful Forever
Not once do I look away as he watches me fly apart under the skill of my husbands’ touch.
Not until reality comes barging into the quiet that follows.
Without a word, I calmly walk out and up the stairs.
“Syn,” Constantine calls after me.
I don’t turn around. Going into the bedroom, I close the door, sink to the floor, and let the tears come.
“Sweet girl, let me in,” Tristan says from the other side of the door.
I can’t. Not right now when my emotions are nothing but an exposed raw nerve of love and heartache.
“Please let me in so I can hold you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what, baby?”
Teardrops drip down my cheeks. “For falling in love with him.”
Tristan’s shadow moves under the gap between the door and the floor when he sits down in the hallway. “Put your hand to the door. Mine is right here on the other side.”
I press my palm flat against the pressed wood and am surprised by how warm it is.
“I’m right here with you until the end of time. You are my best friend, Aoife. My wife and the love of my life. Nothing will change that. Just like I know nothing will change your love for me. Not even if you love him.”
“It’s wrong.”
“Our love and the way we choose to love one another is not wrong. The Society and our parents tried to take that away from us, but they never could. Our love is so fucking strong, it survived death. Our son exists because of that love. Your love saved me and Con and Hen and Dierdre. Your love gave me a family. It gave me my brother. The way you love, Red, is your greatest strength. You, me, Con, Hen, and Aleks. We made a family together against all odds, and it’s all because of you. You’re our miracle.”
Constantine may see all my broken pieces, but Tristan knows how to put them back together.
Standing up, I wipe the wetness from my face and open the door. “I love you.”
Tristan takes my ravaged face and tenderly kisses me. “I love you more.” Taking me in his arms, he carries me to the bed and slips us under the covers, never once letting me go. “I’m going to hold you all night and keep the nightmares away.” He tucks hisface in the crook of my shoulder and nuzzles my cheek. “We can figure out what comes next in the morning.”
“Okay.”
But when we wake up six hours later, Aleksander is gone.
Forty-Nine
December 20
“Doyou know how hard it is to find Christmas presents for men who already have everything?”
Raquelle’s tinkling laughter comes over the Bluetooth earbud connected to my phone. “Tell me about it.”
I slow from a brisk jog to a fast walk when I get to the park. I was too hyped with nerves, and nothing I did seemed to help. Not online retail therapy, cleaning the house, cleaning the chicken coop, helping Hendrix bake every holiday dessert known to man. It stopped snowing, and the sun finally came out, so I decided to go for a long run. Which was a mistake because the person I’m trying not to think about is the person who is my usual running buddy.
It’s been three weeks since what happened.
Five hundred and four hours of missing Aleksander.
Thirty thousand two hundred and forty minutes of trying to gather the courage to talk to him.
Tristan says he misses me too but is giving me space. That’s something I do and don’t want. I’ve walked by the bell tower a hundred times. I sit outside every night in the cold and look at the stars, wondering if he’s doing the same thing. I’ve stared at my phone, waiting for a text I know won’t come because Aleksander needs me to make the first move.
