Page 114 of Forever Mine
The childhood memory is as faded as the clock’s ivory face, but it’s still there. Grandma gave him this watch on their wedding day. I didn’t get much time with either of them. Grandma and Grandpa both passed within months of one another when Jay and I were five. It happened shortly before we moved to Fallen Brook.
I slip on Grandpa’s watch over my left wrist and secure the buckle to the leather band. I’m also wearing the onyx cufflinks Elijah gave me the night of my prom.
“This is something borrowed and blue,” Mom says, holding up Dad’s favorite tie. “May I?”
I remain still as she meticulously slips it under my collar and twists the knot in a half-Windsor.
“Only thing we’re missing is something new. Any chance you have a Mustang GT-500 stashed in there?”
I’m only joking, but her gray eyes lift, solemn and sad, and my grin immediately vanishes.
“Jayson sent me something. He wanted me to give it to you. I’m not sure if I should. Maybe it’s best to wait until after you and Elijah come back from your honeymoon.”
Something from Jay. I’m a little pissed that he would ask Mom to give it to me rather than do it himself.
“I’d like it now, please.”
Almost reluctantly, she takes a long white envelope from her purse and places it on the edge of the coffee table.
Turning around, she palms my cheek before kissing it. “Don’t be mad at him.”
I hug her thin frame. Mom’s stature may be small, but she’s so fucking strong. I really lucked out in the parent department.
“I’m trying not to.”
I won’t lie to her. I love my brother, always will, but I’m so angry with him for not choosing me over his heartbreak.
“I will forever and always love you, my sweet boy. I am so proud of you and the man you’ve grown up to be. You and Elijah. Love and happiness. Live it, breathe it, and enjoy the hell out of each other. The best is yet to come.”
When she leaves, I take a second to gather myself, before sitting down on the two cushion love seat, the nondescript envelope taunting me from mere inches away. Picking it up, I tear it open and pull out the folded sheet of paper inside. A thin gold chain with a small oval charm attached slides out between the folds, and I catch it on my fingers before it drops to the floor.
Jules,
God, where do I start? I guess the first thing I should say is, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for not being the brother you deserve. I’m sorry for not being there with you on your wedding day. I’m sorry for letting Elijah down after everything he did for me. I’m sorry for so many things that I will never be able to make up for.
Everything is so fucked-up. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I had everything planned out. Liz and me forever. The girl I fell in love with from the first moment I saw her. Thegirl who has been my heart and soul since I was six years old. But she’s not mine anymore. She’s Ry’s. His wife. As much as I want to hate him for that, I can’t. Ry will love her like she deserves to be loved. But I can’t be there and have to watch from the sidelines as he gets to live the life I always wanted. It’s too painful. It hurts too much.
And it’s selfish. I know that. I wish I could be the better man. A man like Ry. A man like Elijah. Like you. But I’m not. And I hate myself for that weakness. Please don’t hate me for it, too.
Something fundamental is broken inside me, and I need to figure out how to live without her. I need to figure out who I am without her. I can’t come back until I do. I hope you understand.
Happy wedding day, brother. You and Elijah deserve all the happiness in the world.
I love you so fucking much. I miss you so fucking much.
P.S. I found this St. Jude pendant in San Francisco. I’ll let you Google the meaning.
Forever your brother - Jay
I angrily swipeat the flood of fresh tears. “Goddammit, Jay.”
“Ten minutes is up. Let’s get you married!” Liz announces.
“Liz,” I say in a strangled voice.
I press Jay’s letter and necklace to my chest. The half of my heart that’s tethered to my twin feels like it’s dying.
She rushes over to me. “What? What is it?”
