Page 56 of Broken Butterfly
I slowly make my way down the short hallway to the music room. It’s empty. Where did all my dad’s instruments go? I walk up the stairs to my old room. The door is already open. The glow of the lights from the tree outside my bedroom window casts shadows along the walls. I almost expect to see Jayson climbing through my window and I imagine him doing just that. Despite our recent fight, I smile at the memory.
I walk through the jack-and-jill bathroom that connects my room to Hailey’s. I can feel Hailey’s hands finger-comb through my hair as she uses the heated straightener to smooth out my messy blond mane for prom. How she was able to transform my unruly hair into a sleek waterfall of platinum tresses is a miracle. It took her over an hour to fix my hair that night. I don’t recall how many times she burned her fingers. I just remember us laughing while she placed red flower clips that matched the color of my prom dress throughout my hair.
I look at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and remember seeing Hailey’s bruises for the first time as she got out of the shower. There is no shower curtain in here anymore, but I can still picture that morning as if was yesterday. I should have pushed her harder to talk to me. I shouldn’t have accepted her easy excuses about how she got the bruises and the burn mark. If I just would have opened my eyes, my sister would still be here with me now.Open your eyes, Elizabeth. I failed Hailey in so many ways. I failed so many people, not just my little sister but also my parents, my daughter, my three best friends. Christ almighty, being back in this house is devastating.
I leave the bathroom and walk into Hailey’s adjoining bedroom. Her bed is still here, the mattress stripped and bare. I climb on top of it and lay down. I close my eyes and I hear Hailey’s soft, sweet voice as she reads me one of her poems.
“I miss you so much, Hales. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me,” I weep into the mattress. I don’t fight it anymore. I give in and allow myself to feel everything, to remember everything. It hurts so goddamn much. The pain and the loss. I cry for my family and for myself. I cry for all the things I have lost. And as I expunge all of the desolation and loss in the form of wracking tears, something new weaves its way inside of me. It’s a feeling of calm and of hope. It’s a feeling of a new beginning in which my past is a part of me but is no longer an insurmountable burden.
Because, for the first time since that night or the night that my memories came back, the pain is no match for all of the love and laughter this house still holds. My life has been blessed with love. I had two wonderful parents who showed me every day how much they loved me. I had a kickass sister who I adored and who always had my back. Mom, Dad, and Hailey are still with me. I can feel them every day. I can feel their love. I have Jayson, Julien, and Ryder. My three best friends. My three princes. I have Ryder’s love and Fallon’s friendship. I will fight to fix my friendships with Jayson, Julien, Elijah, Meredith, and Trevor. I have Freda, Mitch, Faith, Randy, Brea, and Jamie. And even though I haven’t spoken to them in over a month, I know I have Daniel and Drew as well. And now, I have myself too. My journey with Fallon helped to heal most of what was broken inside of me. Being back in this house, I realize that love will always conquer hate. And my life is filled with so much love.
I take a deep breath and wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my coat. I startle a little when I notice Fallon standing in the doorway.
“I told them to stay out for a second while I came in to see how you were doing. I’m amazed they didn’t put up much of a fight. I figure we only have about a minute before they all barge inside.”
I half-heartedly chuckle. “I’m sure you’re right.”
Fallon eases himself down beside me on the bed and presses his forehead to mine.
“You okay, kitten?”
“I think so. Actually, yes. I am okay,” I sniffle, then make a decision. “Fallon, I want to buy the house. I want to fix it up. Make it a good place for another family to live in. This was a great house to grow up in. It needs to be filled with children and laughter again.”
“I’ll make a call.”
“I’m paying for it with my trust money.”
“We can discuss that later.” Of course he would say that.
“I’m serious, Fallon.”
“I know, kitten,” he says softly.
A random thought pops into my head. I’m emotionally exhausted from this whole day; first, dealing with Jayson, and then being back in this house. I’m no longer upset with Jayson for how he reacted when we talked. It’s my fault things are so confusing and messed up between us. He has every right to be angry with what I did. But right now, I want to tune everything out for a few hours. I need some time to regroup my thoughts.
“They used to have midnight bowling open on Thanksgiving night at Bowl-O-Rama. Want to get out of here and enjoy the rest of Thanksgiving?”
“Whatever you want.”
I give a tentative smile and Fallon smiles back. “Let’s get your back door boarded up first.”
“Sorry about that. I went a little Terminator on it.”
“That was pretty fucking righteous watching you bust it down. If I said it turned me on and I got a huge boner, would you threaten to knee me in the balls again?”
For the first time today, I laugh out loud. “No, your balls are safe from my knee. I would say you need therapy.”
“You and me both, kitten.”
“I’m already in therapy. Want to join me?”
Fallon doesn’t answer. Instead, he hugs me.
I feel the bed dip and two more strong arms come around me. I don’t have to see who it is to know that it’s Ryder. His gorgeous masculine scent envelops me as much as his arms do. Ryder kisses the top of my right shoulder then rests his chin on it.
Jayson comes through the bedroom door next and squats down on his haunches in front of me. He takes my hands in his and holds on. Julien doesn’t come inside to join us. He’s standing in the hallway looking unsure.
I scan Hailey’s room one last time. I’ve done what I needed to do. I slowly stand and walk downstairs, the guys trailing behind me. When I reach the kitchen, I turn around one last time and say goodbye. As I walk away, I leave Old Elizabeth behind for good.
