Page 40 of Broken Butterfly
“Yeah?” He sends a wicked gleam my way and repeats the motion. I cry out a strangled gasp and almost climax from the sensation.
“Holy shit,” I pant, my eyes watering.
“Let’s see how many times I can get you to come. I’m aiming for five within the next hour.”
Hell, yes.
I’m about to reply with a sassy retort but my skeptical laughter dies as Ryder pistons in once more and I explode in a torrent a million glittery pieces, coming unexpectantly with a long, convulsive moan that seems to echo around the room.
“That was sexy as fuck,” he says, kissing me.
As I quiver beneath him, Ryder gentles his pace, riding me through my orgasm, the glide of his cock inside of me slow and determined. As my second orgasm builds on top of the remnants of the first, I reach between us and slide my hands down his abs to where we’re connected. His whole body jerks.
“Fuck, I’m going to come,” he grunts and rolls us so that I’m now on top. I grab the headboard as he cradles my breasts, pinching and pulling each nipple between his thumbs and middle fingers. My head arches back in exultation, my pale blond hair whipping out all around. I eagerly move up and down his shaft, using my leg muscles to jackhammer myself on him, chasing yet another orgasm which is hurtling at me at light speed.
Ryder sits up and takes one tight pink bud into his mouth, sucking hard, and I’m done; the flick of his tongue on my aroused nipple sending me over the edge for a second time. I death-grip the headboard and sing out his name. Ryder soon follows. After he thrusts up into me a few more times, I feel the warmth of his release penetrating deep, the sound he makes while coming inside me better than any music I could ever write. I’m drunk off of the cascade of sensations I’m feeling. After the last tingle fades, I collapse on top of Ryder, my body draping over his left shoulder like a limp rag doll. He bands his arms around my middle and nuzzles my chest with soft licks and tender kisses.
“God, I’ve missed making love with you,” I say, my voice breathy and sated. Ryder rolls us once more so he’s on top of me again, our bodies still intimately connected. He relaxes and compresses my body down into the mattress, knowing exactly how I like it. I love feeling his weight on top of me after we make love. We spend several minutes giving each other languorous kisses. I rub my hands up and down his back, steeping in the sensual feel of his tight, defined muscles. The world is right again. I have my perfection back. But I also need to start working for his forgiveness.
Dragging my fingertips down the side of his face, I begin. “That night you went to see Fallon, I decided it was time to go through some old boxes that Daniel and Drew had packed for me. Stuff from my old room, my old life.”
I panic when Ryder tries to move off me, so I pull him back down, lifting my head to meet him with a kiss. “Please just listen. Let me finish,” I implore him, and he stills.
“There wasn’t a lot in the boxes. Mostly pictures and scrapbooks. There was a scrapbook full of Hailey’s poems. I read every one of them. They were so beautiful, and I became sad because I couldn’t remember her.”
“The two of you loved each other very much. You and Hailey were as much best friends as you were sisters.”
“I know that now because I remember. I couldn’t have asked for a better sister. I miss Hailey so much. I miss Mom and Dad,” I say, choking back the tsunami of tears that are threatening to escape. “I found some pictures of you and me as kids and thought it would be cool to make a memory board to hang up in the bedroom. As I went through the boxes’ contents, I kept pulling pictures of us out and placing them in a separate pile. I found another scrapbook. It was of me and Jayson. When I picked it up, something caught my eye. There was a ring. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but when I picked it up, it was like something clicked. Like the final puzzle piece snapped into place and I was able to see the full picture. All of my memories came pouring back. Every single one.Everything. The first thing that I remembered was that night. I remembered what happened, Ryder. I felt it all. I felt everythingHedid to me. I saw Mom and Dad and Hailey. It was like dying all over again.”
I begin to cry, the dam giving way and bursting forth. I feel wet droplets dripping down on my shoulder and realize that Ryder is crying with me. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on to him for dear life.
“Why was I the only one to survive, Ryder? Why me? It’s not fair. I would give anything to go back and take their places. I would give anything to sacrifice myself so that Hailey could live.”
Ryder tightens his hold around me. “Please, baby, don’t ever say that. Don’t ever think that. I never want to exist in a world where you aren’t in it.”
“Even though I didn’t die, losing myself with the amnesia felt like death. The last thing I remember was you lifting me in your arms and telling me you loved me. I needed you to know that I loved you too. I remember saying it. I hope you heard me.”
“I heard you, sweetheart. I heard you.”
Ryder covers my face in wet kisses, the saline from our combined tears is like the first spring rain washing away the desolation of winter and bringing renewal for new life to grow.
“When my memories returned, it was like I was possessed by two people. My mind split between Old Elizabeth and New Elizabeth. Old Elizabeth took over. I don’t remember how I got to Jayson’s. It was raining and I somehow made it to the condo in the rain. When I woke up the next morning, I rolled over to reach for you, but it wasn’t you next to me. I didn’t understand why I was in Jayson’s bed. Like the night before, when my memories returned, everything that happened hit me all at once. I’m so sorry, Ryder. I slept with him. I wish so desperately that I could go back and not open those damned boxes. I didn’t want to remember. I was happy with my new life. All I wanted was you. I’m so fucking sorry. I’ve hated myself since. I hate what I did. I never meant to hurt you or Jayson, and I wound up hurting everyone.”
Ryder pulls back slightly, grabbing my face with both his hands. “Why didn’t you come to me? Why did you run to Fallon and not me?”
It takes me a minute to calm myself enough to continue. I meet his eyes, finding enough strength to go on. “I felt like I was losing my mind. I didn’t know what was real anymore. A part of me wanted to give up and curl into a ball on the floor, to disappear. I was so ashamed. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t want to hurt anyone else. I couldn’t face you or Jayson or Julien. I managed to walk to Fallon’s. It was the only place I could think to go.”
“Home,” he says gruffly. “You should have come home, Elizabeth. To me. You turned off your tracking software. I went to the condo to see if you were there or if Jay or Jules had heard from you. I had looked everywhere trying to find you.”
A small, sad chuckle comes out when I say, “I forgot my shoes. I walked barefoot for over a mile to Fallon’s.”
Ryder kisses me once, ever so softly. “Baby.”
I shake my head at his tenderness. I don’t deserve it. “I couldn’t face you after what I’d done.”
“I saw the note.”
I shatter when he tells me that. He’s known this entire time that I betrayed him in the worst possible way and slept with Jayson? I feel like I’m going to be sick. My body shakes as I gasp for breath trying to pull heavy oxygen into my lungs. Ryder has known this entire time and he still came for me? He still loves me? How will I ever be worthy of this man? He should hate me for what I did. Thick repulsion at myself slithers its way up my esophagus and I push Ryder off, running to the bathroom to vomit up nothing but dry heaves.
