Page 28 of Broken Butterfly
“Then I would tell you that my heart belongs to someone else.”
“You’ve decided?” A look of panic crosses his face.
I have. It’s taken two weeks, but I’ve made my decision. However, right now, I want to be with Fallon. I want a few more days, a few more adventures, before I go back.
“You said you’re not ready to let me go, and I’m telling you that I’m not ready to leave yet. I want to finish our journey. We can wait a few more days to decide what happens next.”
Fallon grips my waist and pulls me with him to the terrace doors. “If I only have a few days left with you, I want you next to me. I want to fall asleep holding you. Even if it is just an illusion, I want to pretend that you’re mine.”
“It’s not an illusion, Fallon.”
A part of me will be forever his now, just like a part of me belongs to Jayson, Ryder, and Julien. Life is not about giving your love to only one person. It’s about giving your whole self in every way possible to those who deserve it. It’s like I told Fallon—it’s possible to love more than one person. You can love your friends and your family and still have love to share with someone new who you’re lucky enough to have stumble into your life along the way.
“I swear I won’t do anything more than hold you. Can you give me that for tonight?” His vibrant blue eyes sparkle as they look at me. He really is a gorgeous man. He’s just not the man I’m in love with.
“Yes, I can do that,” I reply, and he exhales the breath he had been holding.
“Thank you.”
When we get inside, I go to my room and grab a large shirt and sleep shorts, then walk into the bathroom to change. When I come out, Fallon is waiting for me. We climb under the covers and he pulls me to him, his arms banding around my middle. And that’s how we stay for the rest of the night.
Fallon needs me just as much I’ve come to depend on him. There’s a darkness inside of him that needs me to help bring it toward the light. I may be crossing some lines with what I’m doing. I’m pretty sure that Ryder or Jayson wouldn’t be happy to see me and Fallon in bed together even though nothing will happen between the two of us. For me, it’s platonic; just two friends giving each other comfort. I can’t even count how many times me and the guys slept at each other’s houses, most often all piled together on the same bed.
“Why do you think I’m going to hate you?” I ask him because I’m curious to hear what he says, but also because I want him to tell me his fears so I can help fight them with him. One day he’ll tell me about his scars, both the physical and the mental ones.
“Because you will hate me once you find out the truth.”
I rest my palm on top of his heart and I can feel how heavy it’s pounding. Whatever his secret is, it terrifies him.
“I want to be there for you, if you’ll let me.”
“The devil took my soul a long time ago, kitten. I’m beyond saving.” He readjusts our positions so that his head is resting on my shoulder. “You always smell so goddamn good.”
“Thank you,” I chuckle and continue to rub his neck and up into the hair on the back of his head. Fallon soon falls asleep, and I hold him close to me throughout the night wondering what could be so bad that the thought of me finding out scares the shit out of him.
I woke up a couple of hours ago with Elizabeth curled around me. She’s wrapped in my arms, her sweet scent infusing the air around us with the aroma of jasmine. I’ve been watching her sleep. I have a habit of doing that, and I really need to stop. I just can’t seem to help myself. She’s so beautiful. An ethereal goddess among monsters. She refuses to believe that I am one of those monsters.
Elizabeth told me yesterday that she’s made a decision. I know I only have a few more days left before I lose her. I don’t want to hurt her, but I’ll be the one to destroy her eventually, nonetheless.
I reach over to grab my phone with my free hand. Elizabeth stirs in the arm I keep wrapped around her. I shush her and kiss her temple until she sighs and settles back down.
Me: Going off the grid for a few days.
Ry: Why? What’s going on? Where’s Elizabeth?
Me: Right next to me asleep.
Let him assume what he wants from that. I know I’m being an asshole and that Ryder is the only true friend I have, but I’m so goddamn angry. I want the one thing I can’t have. I’m going to hurt her and when I do, I’ll burn to blackened cinders one of the only truly good things I’ve ever known.
Me: Talk to you soon.
I pull Elizabeth closer to me and she mumbles something in her sleep. The sound of it stabs a hot dagger into my icy heart.
Chapter 9
Day 15: Finding Fallon
Barcelona
